After dropping out of Starfleet Academy, Matthew Manarino became an entertainment writer and social media enthusiast. He loves, writes and collects comics whenever he is not filming his cats for YouTube videos. It took him eight hours to write this bio.
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YouTube, acting as a mirror this week, exposed a truth that brunettes, red heads, and the elderly all know but try not to think about too much. The truth is, blondes just have more fun. Rod Stewart, Cindy Lauper, Eddie Coleman and David Bowie all know it, and so do this week’s YouTube lemon heads. On today’s docket we have baby hackers, horrified grooms, the infamous Max Harris, and one guy who just won’t take orders from women. If the week of June 11 is to be given a title, I would like to submit a proposal for it to be named “The Week of Blonde Bounty.” In case you missed the constant reminder that being anything but blonde sucks, you’re in luck. I have compiled them all here for your viewing pleasure. Be warned as you stare into the golden locks of YouTube; know that, although staring directly into the sun can be fun, the result is rarely positive. Also, in honor of Near-Earth asteroid 2002 MN missing the Earth by 75,000 miles ten years ago today, I have included a video of Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” from the hit film “Armageddon.”
High By Max Harris
Let’s just start with the best video of the week, High by singer/songwriter/dancer/provocateur Max Harris. From the over-sexualized dance moves to the incredible camera work by Saffy O’Neill, this video is just too weird to pass up.
Cease and Desist Notice to 4Chan / Funny Junk / Reddit… YOU WILL BE HACKED
In this video, a young man threatens to shut down major aggregation sites like FunnyJunk.com and 4Chan for stealing memes from 9gag.com. Here is what confuses me; I didn’t know that stock photos with text scrawled over them belonged to anyone. Also, the kid in this video looks like he is 3 years-old. What could he possibly hack other than a Fisher Price Laugh and Smile? Also, who gives a shit?
Bride sings walking down the aisle.
Oh, god no. This video is bad pretty much all the way through. If you are unmarried and people ask you why, I suggest you keep this video constantly pulled up just to show them. The beginning is bad–there’s no doubt about that–but it isn’t until around 1:55 that it becomes a waking night terror.
“I don’t listen to women.”
Sometimes I wish I had the authority to give fake awards to terrible people. In particular, I would hand the star of this video the “Lifetime of giving no fucks award.” In just over two minutes, Ihor Stetkewycz tells a female reporter, “I don’t listen to women,” and is accused of dumping scrap wood all over the streets of Detroit. But with a name like Ihor, what can you really expect?