YouTube, acting as a mirror this week, exposed a truth that talented non-celebrities all know but try not to think about too much. The truth is, you need absolutely zero percent talent to be successful. The cast of “Jersey Shore” made $30,000 per show in the third season, Michael Bay is making another “Transformers” movie while “Bad Boys 3” goes untouched, and the world continues to reward completely talentless dicks for no reason other than to remind us that jumping off a bridge can’t be that bad. For this week’s selections, we have a
good-looking talented idiot social media guru, the trailer for Ashton Kutcher’s, like, totally rad counter culture YouTube channel, and the truth about Chris Bosh. If the week of June 18 is to be a title, I would like to submit a proposal for it to be named “The Week Of Famous People Being The Worst.” In case you missed the constant reminder that celebrities can literally do anything they want, you’re in luck. I have compiled them all here for your viewing pleasure. Be warned as you stare into the blinding lights of Tinseltown; know that Ashton Kutcher once tweeted that Penn State firing Joe Paterno was #noclass and #insult. Also, in honor of Sweden adopting their flag 106 years ago today, I have included a video of the Swedish Chef from “The Muppets” preparing a donut.
Jared Leto’s Advice to New Bands on Social Media
First on the list is a What’s Trending interview with actor and singer Jared Leto. Most of the video consists of host Shira Lazar desperately trying to prove that Leto’s appearance on her show is justified, while Leto convinces himself that people care about what he has to say. Since this legendary interview will naturally be adapted into a feature film a là “Frost/Nixon,” only called “Lazar/Leto: Judgment Day,” I have gone ahead and whipped up a screenplay below.
An opening shot of stupid arrows or something under a banner that reads “#INFLUENCER.” Hip-but-not-too-hip lounge music will be playing.
Lazar: My next guest is a successful actor, singer and entrepreneur: Jared Leto.
Two or three people clap and mutter to themselves confusedly. Leto looks down at his shoes, then at the crowd, thinking: I could be at a coke and super model party right now.
Lazar: How’s it going?
Leto continues to look down at his shoes, then mumbles sleepily: It’s pretty good.
Lazar: So why are you starting this social media marketing company?
Leto: Well, you see, I am very good looking.
Lazar: Right, like me. But why start a social media marketing company? Do you have any specific skills or qualifications other than being good looking?
Leto: I don’t think I understand your question.
Title Card: Fin