As a child, I loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Nowadays, as a buttoned-down “serious” adult like one of those math teachers in toy commercials, I can’t condone giving weapons to teenagers, much less endorsing their bid to fight crime (my taxes pay for a police department, consarnit!). As a kid though, my habit of discussing fluctuating mortgage futures was vastly trumped by my love of pizza-eating turtles.
So when Pizza Hut paid top dollar to be the ‘za of choice for the “green machine” (I feel like that was one of the slang terms we had for the Ninja Turtles back then), my eight-year-old self took big notice.
Fast forward to 2012, and some guy just pulled off the “heist of the century.” A knobjob, dressed as an “early 90s guy,” goes into a pizza place with an unopened VHS copy of the movie “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” and shows the manager that the movie box advertises Pizza Hut coupons inside. Then, opening the case, he retrieves said coupons and promptly exclaims that there is “no expiration date for them.”
Of course there is — December 31st, 1991 — but cool-ass manager that she is, she tells the guy she’ll honor his coupons. This just tells me that the Ninja Turtles chose a pizza establishment with integrity — a rare commodity in this day and age. Because Pizza Hut staffs their restaurant with awesome employees, I’m going to purchase a Pizza Hut pizza tonight and dump the whole thing right in the toilet. Either it makes its way down to the Ninja Turtles as a sort of “thank you,” or, more likely, it just saves me from eating shitty pizza. Turtle Power!