‘Bikini Model Masseuse’ Job Apparently Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be [VIDEO]

Like girls in bikinis? Like old men complaining about stuff in a foreign language? Then you, my friend, just hit the mother-loving video jackpot.

Every so often, something sneaks past the algorithm-driven cyborgs we employ to flag delicious new videos off YouTube, and we end up having to watch it on Facebook like all the creeps out there who eat their bread butter-side down. This video is just such an instance. An ad for employment-tracking site Everi Job, this video exposes the downside of being a masseuse for bikini models. This poor old bastard frequently has to rub their smooth round butts and listen as the girls detail their wild sexual escapades. Tough work, right?

But you know something? I think this old guy is right. Obviously, the people creating the commercial counted on you and me jumping over to Everi Job to fight for the position of “bikini model masseuse,” but the stark reality is that this job would suck. The old guy points out that it is 12-14 hour days, and obviously the fantasy is that the girls would be lining up to bang you, but the reality is that they would likely just be lying there, dishing about all the biker guys they are getting railed by, and saying how they think of you as “nice” because they can relax and fart around you. Your “friendzone” level would be astronomical. Nope, I’m happy working here at NMR — my “Brazzers” dreams are less likely, but there are a whole lot less girl farts. Sometimes.

And in case you were wondering, yes, we do punish our cyborgs for screwing up. You haven’t really lived until you’ve heard a machine scream out in terror. Can’t feel pain, my ass.

 

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