I actually screamed “El Diablo!” at the computer screen when YouTuber “the King of Random” turned a normal soda into an instant slushee. By utilizing this insanely easy “spoof,” you can probably convince weak-minded individuals to worship you and form a cult around your “divine prophecies.”
Utilizing the same simple science of turning a lake into a winter ice skating rink, “King of Random” has found a way to control the elements of nature on a much smaller — and sweeter — scale. By dropping a sliver of ice into a colder than freezing (but not frozen) liquid, such as Coca Cola (or a generic brand, you cheapass), he creates an instant freeze throughout. You, by watching the video, can easily learn to do the same. I know I did.
Because you’re a small thinker, you can have your cult. I am a large-scale thinker, and so I want to find a way to reverse-engineer this trick into a tactic for freezing the entire world. Entire oceans shall ice over and all sea life will die. Without accessible drinking water, everyone will be forced to do my bidding so that I provide them with the necessary nourishment for survival.
I told my mom I wanted to grow up to be a James Bond supervillain and I goddamn meant it. Is the supervillain name “Mr. Freeze” already taken? It is? Damn, I guess I’ll have to be “Ice-clobberus.”
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