Okay, I might be giving off a “total stalker vibe” writing about Taryn Southern so shortly after I suggested her and I should “ride around in a bed solving mysteries,” but well, I totally look like a stalker, so there’s that. Also, to be fair, my editors tasked me with this list because, frankly, NMR likes the hell out of Taryn Southern. She’s great.
If you’re not familiar (gasp!), fear not, NMR has decided it would be handy for us to provide a list of all the reasons that Taryn is great. Better still, there happens to be 10 reasons — exactly the correct length for an official list.
Also, if you think that Taryn isn’t great (again … gasp!), this list should do a damn good job of elevating you to my vantage point. Sure, it’s not as warm as you keeping your head up your own ass, but the view (and the smell) is better.
10. She’s not a “Johnson County” snob
Kansas-born Southern should appreciate the reference, but the rest of you will just have to take our word that Southern is not only pretty and talented and all that, she also has a very good heart. She consistently is involved with the YouTube charity causes and raising money for such goodwill organizations as the Thirst Project. You can donate to it here.
9. She’s politically-minded
It wasn’t her first brush with stardom, that probably came on “American Idol” of which she made the top 50 in its 3rd season, but her video supporting Hillary Clinton for President in 2008 went gangbusters. It also helped to launch Taryn’s impressive YouTube career and made us think very impure thoughts about Hillary Clinton.
8. She’s a hard worker
Did you know Taryn graduated two years early from the U of Miami? Also that she received a B.S. in Anthropology and a B.A. in Journalism? Or how about that she received a grant to travel to Peru to study the shamanic use of ayahuasca among rainforest communities (thank you, Wikipedia)? In addition to that, she’s started a new media studio called Webutantes, released an album, a single, acted in television and film and probably did a whole shitload of other things. Cancer, you’d better hope someone doesn’t turn her loose on you.
7. She was on American Dad!
Okay, get this: “The Simpsons” in its heyday was a GREAT show, but “American Dad” might be the best animated show of all time! OF. ALL. TIME. I know, I know, “South Park,” classic “Family Guy” and “Archer” are all up there. But American Dad is such a better, smarter, more quotable show than anything I’ve seen lately. F**king Roger the Alien! He’s like a more evil Cartman. AND TARYN SOUTHERN WAS ON AMERICAN DAD! Well, her voice was at least. That makes Taryn better smarter and more quotable by extension.
6. She has a good sense of humor
I haven’t been hit with a restraining order yet, so that’s proof of her sense of humor. Also, just watching her channel will give you insight into the sense of humor this YouTube A-lister possesses. Whether it’s joking about love, heartbreak or peeing in the ocean, nothing is off-limits. And I mean nothing, not even “feeding pubes to your hamster” because it “needs fiber.” Good stuff.
5. She’s family-oriented
NMR is a close-knit family unit, so we expect the same of anyone we call “great.” And Taryn doesn’t disappoint. During our interview with her, she mentioned about how she was anxious about how her family/grandparents would take to her sometimes profane videos … at least, we think that was the case. That interview was a while ago and you know how it is when girls start going on about their family … you just sort of do that tune out thing while saying “Yeah, totally …” every so often.
4. She’s not just “YouTube pretty”
This is of course a controversial statement to make because we think all people, guys and gals alike, are beautiful. We’re like those perfect, advanced beings who “don’t see” ugliness. That being said, there are some people on the internet who you can see why they chose a career making videos alone in their room. Taryn isn’t one of these people. Here’s proof:
3. She’s fearless
Okay, nobody’s fearless and Southern admits she has more fears than many. But she’s actively trying to combat that fear by doing bold stuff: like getting a tattoo! And her willingness to combat her fears makes her fearless to us!
2. She’s talented as hell
Jeez, we already mentioned all the academic stuff — but lots of people are solely academic. She combines that with being a talented actress who can also sing really, really well. Top 50 on “American Idol”-in-its-prime well. She also plays the guitar and writes her own songs. I thought I was going to own the world because I could fart the alphabet (only up to the letter “D” — then I would always shit my pants). Clearly, Southern’s talent is on a whole other level — and she’s worked with Scott Baio!
1. She’s got a filthy mind
Where do we begin with this one? How about that her first album was called “On My Face” and its list of songs was basically an ode to naughty stuff? Sure she typically makes it a double entendre — like “Touch Your Boobies” is actually a pro-mammogram song. But we all know that there are two parts to a double entendre — and one of them is dirty/sexy/naughty! Thank god we paid attention in English Lit, because it makes us appreciate this subversive pot-stirrer all the more.
She’s pretty great, right? Well find your own internet crush! This one’s taken!