Can someone please explain what’s going on here?
Did you ever see Clash of the Titans? It came out five years ago, starred Sam Worthington and Gemma Arterton with (amazingly) supporting performances from both Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes, and scored well enough to warrant a sequel two years later, Wrath of the Titans. The movies were very loosely based on Greek mythology, and tried to make an action/special effects spectacle out of Perseus’s quest for fire and a disagreement between Zeus and Hades.
Which brings us to Gods of Egypt, which shares (near as we can tell) none of the same creative team, but virtually an identical idea transcribed onto Egyptian mythology: A mortal is the key pawn in an epic battle between two gods.
In this case the mortal is a young thief played by Brenton Thwaites (The Giver) and the gods by Nikolai Coster-Waldau (Jaime Lannister in Game of Thrones) and Gerard Butler (300). And guess what? The brand new trailer is CRAZY. It might all come together perfectly for the final movie. But for the moment? This is insane.
So. Here’s our TOP 5 GODS OF EGYPT TRAILER WTF MOMENTS!
5) Ancient Guided Missile
There were a lot of weird creatures that seemed a bit…out of place, and we’ll get to those in a second. But how can we not start with this?
This shot comes at about the 37 second mark in the trailer, and whatever it is can clearly be seen curving away from a natural path so it goes crashing into the building in the foreground.
Of course there’s going to be lots of destruction in this movie. But does it really need smart bombs?
4) These Useless Armor Masks
These full face masks look pretty cool, especially with the Iron Man color scheme and the full gold faceplate. They might even be pretty protective, so long as you don’t let someone stab you in the ear.
But jeez, the guards have to be about useless with how little they could see. I, for one, remember some fairly limiting Halloween masks as a child, and just how many trees and door frames and such I ran into as a result. Sign me up to fight against this army – they’re all set to knock themselves out.
(No, I never knocked myself out.) (Really.)
3) Mammoths, and Minotaurs, and a Sarlacc, Oh My
Ok, we’ve held off talking about the monsters so far, but no longer.
When you see a movie like this, you expect there are going to be some fantastic creatures. And sure enough, when you get to about the 1:24 mark, there are a pair of giant scarab beetles hitched to a chariot sled. (For going over sand?)
But scarab beetles seem like they’re kind of within the (very generously proportioned) Egyptian fantasy wheelhouse. Minotaurs, though. Minotaurs are a very greek thing.
Now to be fair, there is an Egyptian cow goddess, Hathor, but traditionally she doesn’t have a cow’s head, and we’re betting this isn’t the kind of movie that’s going to plop bovine features onto Elodie Yung (who plays Hathor).
So Minotaurs are kinda weird. What else?
How about some mammoths?
Again, maybe you’re thinking this is a little bit of a stretch. Why would they be mammoths, not elephants? The very edge of African elephants’ range used to be not too far away from Egypt.
So how about one more monster. Because this one seems straight out of Star Wars.
Gigantic pit-like monster with row after row of spiny teeth? Remind you of anything?
2) Gerard Butler’s Scottish Accent
This is a blink – er, stop listening – for a moment and you’ll miss it kind of thing. At about the trailer’s 30 second mark, Butler (as the god Set) and Coster-Waldau (as Horus) are throwing down because Set is pissed about not being allowed a turn to rule.
And so he says, “You’re not fit to be king. It’s my turn now.” And right there, you have to ask if that was the best choice of dialogue.
Have you ever heard a Scotsman say the word “fit” without sounding like they’re saying “fet”? No. And “my” and “now” are trouble words, too. The whole thing is a little ridiculous, and it leads into our final “WTF” thing about this trailer.
1) Another Whitewashed Movie About Ancient Egypt
Let’s leave some older movies like The 10 Commandments or Ben-Hur alone for a minute and just focus on some more recent fare. Raiders of the Lost Ark cast John Rhys-Davies, a Welshman, as the Egyptian Sallah. The Mummy chose Arnold Vosloo, a South African of Dutch and other European heritage, as a reanimated Pharaoh. And maybe most egregious of all, Ridley Scott decided that Christian Bale, Joel Edgerton, Sigourney Weaver, Aaron Paul, and Ben Mendelsohn ought to be cast in leading roles for his biblical epic Exodus: Gods and Kings.
And what do we have with Gods of Egypt? A Scot (Butler), a Dane (Coster-Waldau), and an Aussie (Thwaites) headline the cast. They may all be perfectly capable actors, but really? Let’s introduce a little diversity if for no other reason (although there are many) than to avoid looking at this hairdo.