Social networking and microblogging giant Twitter has a lot of fake accounts. And I’m not talking about those accounts run by bots, spammers or the Kardashian sisters. I’m talking about spoof or parody accounts, where various people, institutions and things are satirized or given a Twitter voice all for the sake of fun and laughter. For instance, my Twitter account is a “fake” Twitter because it’s basically comprised of me posing and tweeting as though I were relevant on Twitter. *Sigh*
But don’t cry for me – the mighty twelve followers I actually do have pay absolutely no attention whatsoever to what I tweet, so there is no pressure for me to be witty or intelligent in any way, shape or form on Twitter. I just mash my fat lazy hands on the keyboard and then press “tweet” when I’m done. It’s pure slacker heaven. In comparison, check out Jesus Christ on Twitter, who had to not only die for humanity’s everlasting sins, but also think of a funny quip about Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Here are several of the best and most followed fake Twitter accounts around.
Twitter is such an important tool to power players that even Jesus had to join. Somehow, he’s only managed about 320 thousand Twitter faithful. If you don’t know who he is, the power of Christ compels you to “google me, bitches.”
No I won’t follow back. You follow me, I don’t follow you. That’s how being Jesus works.
Can’t tell you how many times I’ve masturbated myself blind only to heal my sight after I finished.- Feb. 20
I’ve never read a Harry Potter book. I don’t know what a “Muggle” is and I’m not looking it up. There are already too many things wrong with my life – I don’t need an obsession with nerdy boy wizards to be added to the list. I will, however, highlight Lord Voldemort’s fake account on Twitter because I’d be amiss if I didn’t (he has over 2 million followers).
Hufflepuff sounds like it would be the name of a very unpopular muppet. – Feb. 26
#ChrisBrownPickupLines is inappropriate. Chris would never hit on random girls… just the ones he’s dating. –Feb. 16
Batman has never been this edgy or moody. Or hilarious. Can we please replace Christian Bale with this Twitter version? Bale’s Batman voice was very funny, but it’s nothing compared to tweets like:
Trapped. Purple gas filling the room. Seconds to live. My only regret is not spending more time stopping Justin Bieber. –Dec. 28
Developing the Bat-app. Features a criminal database, popular toxin antidotes, and an automatic three stars on every Angry Birds level. –Nov. 29
Funny like the real ESPN, but not because they keep claiming Kobe Bryant is the best basketball player ever like real ESPN – TheFakeESPN are funny because they mean to be.
BREAKING: Daytona 500 delayed after NASCAR being called a sport causes God to shed tears all over the track. – Feb. 26
Rumors surfacing that Lebron is interested in the Heat acquiring Lin in the offseason, so that he can improve his pick-and-eggroll. –Feb. 20
Judging by a lot of the “writers” whose works I’ve had the misfortune of reading through my lifetime, this is the #1 most followed stylebook. Consult this next time you need to write something.
The adjective “hitlery” (“This hot dog tastes hitlery”) should be confined to the editorial page. –Jan. 12
“LEGO” is the plural. The singular is “Legum.” –Jan. 10
Follow the new dear leader as he tweets on the Oscars, “Kimsanity” and the annoyance of having to deal with Twitter death rumors. Despite his Twitter account being only 3 months old, he’s already amassed 68 thousand followers.
WARNING IF SOUTH KOREA CONTINUES MILITARY EXERCISES I WILL BLOCK THEM ON MYSPACE #SHITGOTREAL –Feb. 19
If an Apple Store opened in North Korea there would be a riot because people would think they were selling apples. –Jan. 27
Those are some of my favorites. What are some of yours?