If your current job title sounds like something even faintly derivative of “new media artist,” “video blogger” or “professional tweeter,” then you need to get a life. Ha, I’m just kidding! You have highly disappointed parents and family to tell you that. Here at NMR, I’ll completely humor you and your fantasies of becoming the next great online brand. I want you to succeed because I write for you and about you, which means however low you are on the socioeconomic totem pole, I might be even lower, and if you succeed, I kind of succeed too because I will attribute your success entirely to me. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about some things you could probably use in your life as a struggling new media artist.
Unless you’re at the top of your respective game, you probably need a car. While someone like YouTube’s Shane Dawson could probably bankroll a whole dealership, you may be stuck puttering around in your aunt’s ‘96 Mercury Sable. Just be thankful fire doesn’t scare you like it does Dawson. And guess what? There’s a car for you, and there’s all kinds of loot and swag to be had through YouTube and Facebook contests you’re probably not aware of.
Forget the silly name, which sounds like it was taken from a paperback novel that had gratuitous, oily Fabio chest on the cover, and focus on the fact that you could be driving around in a new BMW 328i. What do you have to do? Make a video that’s around 5.9 seconds long (that’s how long it takes for the grand prize to go from 0 to 60, and incidentally that’s also how long it should take a person to realize Rihanna’s lack of talent when hearing her live) professing your “desir3” (their word, not mine) for the new BMW 3 series car. If your video makes it as a top 30 finalist, you’ll then need votes to win. This is where all the followers you’ve worked hard to gain come in to real play as you leverage your social media following into a free luxury car. And your parents scoffed when you replied to their requests that you get a job by saying, “but mom, I have, like, a thousand followers!” Here’s your chance to prove to them that your thousands of followers mean something other than you spend way too much time on the Internet.
Can you play the piano, violin, clarinet, cello, flute, oboe, bassoon, horn, trumpet or harp? Of course you can’t. Your high school band days were years ago and your instrument-playing skills have atrophied into nonexistence while your Angry Bird skills have been built up to virtuoso-level. But if you’ve managed to stay a band nerd after all this time, you could get a chance to audition for 10 thousand dollars and a chance to perform with the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra this fall. Upload a clip up of you performing a solo concerto up to 10 minutes long and hope that you’re chosen as a top 20 semifinalist. Then it’s your opportunity to rally your followers again as YouTube votes will determine the top four that will be winning paid trips to audition for musical director Manfred Honeck. No, I wasn’t hocking a loogie – that’s the guy’s name.
If you often find yourself often making funny for 7 foot tall, 300 pound men that can pop your head like a grape, then this contest’s for you. Submit a 3 minute or less clip of you being funny in a creative way, and you could win a chance for 5 thousand dollars and a real life meet-up with Shaquille O’Neal. The key to the contest, of course, is that you have to make Shaq laugh. While I think jingling very shiny keys in his face might work, I doubt jokes about free throws will. Keep that in mind.
For the travelers and filmmakers out there, this is your dream contest. Submit a video less than 3 minutes long on one of three pre-chosen topics concerning travel, and you could win 15 thousand dollars and furnishing of video equipment and major travel expenses so that you can shoot 20 cities around the world in 60 days for Viator. Here once more, your online following helps you as their votes determine the top ten video semifinalists. Considering this is a contest I’d kill to win, you can bet all 11 of my Twitter followers will be pressured to vote for me. I’m a lock.
If you’re especially good looking, email me with a photo and a brief description of why I should date you. After that, enter Karmaloop’s model contest. Upload a clear picture of yourself to their Facebook contest, and get your friends to vote. Votes will get you noticed, and you may win a 500 dollar gift code to their site in order to dress your shabby selves, and a trip to Boston to model for Karmaloop for a day.
So there you have it. I’ve hand picked several of the best contests on YouTube and Facebook to get you aspiring new media artists somewhere better than you are (your parents’ basements).