Follow These Billionaires on Twitter Because You <3 Them

Tom is all about the charity.

There’s only one thing Americans love more than apple pie, hot dogs and the idea that wearing TOMS shoes means a little child somewhere in Africa (I wrote about this same black child here) has to suffer the indignity of wearing the exact same crappy pair of potato sack shoes you’ve chosen to wear. Seriously, people, take your 60 bucks and donate it to a legitimate INGO, who might in turn buy a pair of shoes worth its weight on third world terrains, as well as a meal or two or fifty  for those same kids.


Uncle Money Bags is all about the plastic real estate.

Wait, what was my question again? Oh, something Americans love. And that would be billionaires. We simply love rich people, and we love them even more when they’re obscenely rich – rich enough that they could fund the feeding of all Bangladesh children for ten years but choose, instead, to lavish their money on themselves by building jet, yacht and art collections. Billionaires… just love ’em. Perhaps we love them, in part, because we like to daydream about what it would be like one day to be them. Let’s see what it’s like – here are the Twitter accounts of several of the world’s most notable billionaires.


Donald J. Trump – $2.9 Billion

America’s favorite billionaire. We love that he’s one of the least charitable billionaires around, we love that he fires people with a wag of his finger and we love that he had the gumption to want to run for president while wearing the worst toupee known to mankind. His Twitter account reveals his hate for President Obama and Rosie O’Donnell, his love for Mitt Romney, Fox News and the value of his own windbag opinions.

Rosie O’Donnell has failed again. Her ratings were abysmal and Oprah cancelled her on Friday night. When will media executives learn that Rosie just hasn’t got it.

March 19

My @Gretawire interview where I discuss why @BarackObama is an economic ignoramus and how OPEC is inflating gas prices.

March 19

Richard Branson – $4 Billion

Virgin Group tycoon Richard Branson leads a heroic and action-packed billionaire lifestyle, and he wants all of his Twitter followers to know about it. How in the world do you find all this time to ski the Alps, yacht through the Pacific, rocket around the world AND save the galaxy, Richard? Look, Richard, cocaine doesn’t snort itself – you gotta find a minute or two somewhere to squeeze that in too.

Strange life! Last night dinner with Obamas at the White House. This morning – fighting for decriminalisation of drugs!

March 15

One of my other favourite places to #holiday is Bali. Here’s my kitesurfing teacher showing why!

Feb. 22

Pierre Omidyar – $6.3 Billion

Judging by his old tweets, Pierre Omidyar, the founder of Ebay, wasn’t a person at all – he was a spam bot. Nearly every single one of his old tweets linked somewhere else, usually to articles that advocated for one of his several pet causes. In case you didn’t know, billionaires tend to be better than poor folk because they can adopt a lot of causes with their enormous amounts of free time (unless they’re Donald Trump, who has stated that his only cause in life is “to RUIN AMERICA”). Finally, on September, 19th of 2010, Omidyar tweeted, “*Tap* *tap.* Ahem. Is this thing on?” and then quit Twitter soon after, but has been back sporadically since last year in order to Instagram random, irrelevant pictures that absolutely no one cares about. The last time I visited such a pathetic page was while I was checking out Ebay’s dwindling active users list.

Oprah Winfrey – $PRICELESS

Oprah is amazing. Her Twitter is amazing. Maya Angelou is amazing. I love Oprah. All hail mighty Oprah! (Oprah Book Club, here I come!)

G’nite all!

March 20

Rupert Murdoch – $8.3 Billion

Media mogul, News Corp. CEO and Emperor of the Galactic Empire Rupert Murdoch’s Twitter is only several months old, but it’s already acclaimed as a revealing foray into Murdoch’s cantankerous and partisan world. He’s got opinions, and he shoots them all from the hip. Twitter is a great platform to broadcast all your far-right opinions, Rupert, but doesn’t your Fox News Channel already do that 24/7?

Take your pick! Lower big salaries, lower all taxes, lower govt payouts, encourage self reliance and thereby real happiness.

Feb. 9

Big bipartisan majorities both houses sold out by POTUS for search engines. How about 2.2 m workers in entertainment industry? Piracy rules

Jan. 17


There are other billionaires on Twitter I’ve left off. Which billionaire’s Twitter feet do you grovel at?

Billionaires’ net worth source: