Betty White Joins Twitter, and Other Old People Who Tweet

Twitter is as spry as ever, even after turning 6 years old last month, which is antiquity to the Internet world. If Twitter, the Internet senior citizen, could speak, it would be talking about the good ol’ days of music (2006) when harmless baby Chris Brown had his first hit with “Yo (Excuse Me Miss)” and when the Pussycat Dolls, Sean Paul and Panic! At The Disco all had top 20 hits. Twitter would also be playing “Guitar Hero 2,” and its funny contribution to a conversation would be the inclusion of “Sexy time, high five!” and “Niiice!”.

But no, Twitter is Twitter, and we know it’s still relevant at least because celebrities joining Twitter is still news. In the past several months of 2012, there’s been Beyonce, Rush Limbaugh, Pele, Dave Chappelle, Rupert Murdoch, and others filling in some variation of the headline, “________ Finally Joins Twitter!”, as though these people had up until that momentous point been pushing cars that have rocks for wheels with their feet.

The latest celebrity that’s finally broken through by discovering fire and joining Twitter? Betty White. The nonagenarian joined Twitter yesterday amid much fanfare, continuing her popular resurgence with a generation whose only specialty is postmodern pastiche, and are thusly having fun with an old Betty White in a snarky new context. OK, kids, here’s where I begin the old people on Twitter list.

@BettyMWhite

 

 


So far, Ms. White has a grand total of 3 tweets and over 154,000 followers. It’s funny because my Twitter numbers are the same, but only after you switch “tweets” around with “followers.”

The first of her tweets is a greeting to the Twitter world, the second is a plug of her new show, and the third is a flirtatious tweet to Ryan Seacrest, wherein she reveals her dream of sharing a night with the American Idol host. Poor, poor Betty. She’s obviously going senile before our eyes! I mean, Ryan Seacrest???

@merlehaggard

 

 

75-year-old country legend Merle Haggard joined Twitter only a couple of hours before White did. He began showing his age the moment he stepped foot in the Twitterverse as he tweeted, “Greetings all participators, especially all you sweet potaters. There’s always something new… Any songwriters find a rhyme for that?” and “According to the judicial standpoint upon the cummiltation of the poultry if it makes any difference to me and I find out that’s all I hope.” Well, what do you expect from a 75-year-old real life star stepping foot on Twitter ground for the first time? It must be like being a twenty-something YouTube star stepping away from their computers and stepping on real life ground for the first time every day – you feel like an alien because you have absolutely no perspective or grasp on how to relate to people who have no idea who you are or why what you do is great. Don’t worry, Merle; I got your back. I ain’t a fan of these social media whippersnappers either.

@WilliamShatner

 

 

His Twitter bio reads, “Philanthropist, Actor, Producer, Father, Husband, and Grandfather,” which leaves out “Bad Actor,” “George Takei’s Archenemy,” and “Pompous Windbag,” which just happen to be items I use to describe myself. Bill Shatner is great because he’s like, 81 years-old.

@donrickles and @Joan_Rivers

 

 

Two longtime legends of comedy, Don Rickles is still chugging along on the comedy circuit at 85, and Joan Rivers, who is 78, joins him regularly. That is, she joins him when she’s not selling cubic zirconia on QVC, critiquing celebrities at red carpet events, and injecting so much PVC and Chinese plastic into her face that it’s declared a toxic dump. My jokes aside, Rivers tweets out hilarious one-liners, jokes, and insults regularly. Follow her now.

 

I love old people, by the way. Do you?