This Week In YouTube: Celebrities Try Everything & Fail

YouTube, acting as a mirror this week, exposed a truth that talented non-celebrities all know but try not to think about too much. The truth is, you need absolutely zero percent talent to be successful. The cast of “Jersey Shore” made $30,000 per show in the third season, Michael Bay is making another “Transformers” movie while “Bad Boys 3” goes untouched, and the world continues to reward completely talentless dicks for no reason other than to remind us that jumping off a bridge can’t be that bad. For this week’s selections, we have a good-looking talented idiot social media guru, the trailer for Ashton Kutcher’s, like, totally rad counter culture YouTube channel, and the truth about Chris Bosh. If the week of June 18 is to be a title, I would like to submit a proposal for it to be named “The Week Of Famous People Being The Worst.” In case you missed the constant reminder that celebrities can literally do anything they want, you’re in luck. I have compiled them all here for your viewing pleasure. Be warned as you stare into the blinding lights of Tinseltown; know that Ashton Kutcher once tweeted that Penn State firing Joe Paterno was #noclass and #insult. Also, in honor of Sweden adopting their flag 106 years ago today, I have included a video of the Swedish Chef from “The Muppets” preparing a donut.

Jared Leto’s Advice to New Bands on Social Media

First on the list is a What’s Trending interview with actor and singer Jared Leto. Most of the video consists of host Shira Lazar desperately trying to prove that Leto’s appearance on her show is justified, while Leto convinces himself that people care about what he has to say. Since this legendary interview will naturally be adapted into a feature film a là “Frost/Nixon,” only called “Lazar/Leto: Judgment Day,” I have gone ahead and whipped up a screenplay below.

An opening shot of stupid arrows or something under a banner that reads “#INFLUENCER.” Hip-but-not-too-hip lounge music will be playing.

Lazar: My next guest is a successful actor, singer and entrepreneur: Jared Leto.

Two or three people clap and mutter to themselves confusedly. Leto looks down at his shoes, then at the crowd, thinking: I could be at a coke and super model party right now.

Lazar: How’s it going?

Leto continues to look down at his shoes, then mumbles sleepily: It’s pretty good.

Lazar: So why are you starting this social media marketing company?

Leto: Well, you see, I am very good looking.

Lazar: Right, like me. But why start a social media marketing company? Do you have any specific skills or qualifications other than being good looking?

Leto: I don’t think I understand your question.

Title Card: Fin

Thrash Lab Introduction

For our second selection, we have an introduction video for Thrash Lab, the latest YouTube channel from the leading actor in “My Boss’s Daughter” and “Just Married.” In the video, Kutcher explains over what looks like footage from a Nine Inch Nails music video that, “Thrash Lab’s Dream Bigger series is about finding the greatest original content creators in the world.” Okay, let’s slow down for a minute here, Ashton. I get that you are really big on Twitter, but take it easy. While browsing through Thrash Lab’s current uploaded videos, I found one upload about measuring your Klout score and another about urban beekeepers. If these are the best original content creators in the world, then here’s hoping the Mayans got it right.

Chris Bosh: CRAZY Champagne Bath

Finally, we have the one-man GIF machine and 2012 NBA champion Chris Bosh pouring champagne all over himself in the best/worst kind of way. Chris, let me just say on behalf of the world that you are a global treasure. I decided to put this video into the article to contrast how cool it looks when someone doesn’t take themselves too seriously versus the two brooding humorless dicks you just read about above. God bless you, Mr. Bosh, and may your exploits continue to fuel countless GIFs around the web.

As Promised