Facebook Presents New ‘Gifts’ Service to Send Your Hollow Birthday Wishes

Facebook seems firmly in the whore business now after the debacle with their IPO. Today, the floundering social network site announced a new tool they will be employing in a desperate bid to make their business model profitable: gifting.

Considering they already remind you when one of your fairweather acquaintances celebrates a birthday, in a seemingly logical progression, Facebook now wants to enable you to buy your buddies a gift — right on the website.

Facebook has teamed up with merchants to enable users to purchase gifts, ranging from cupcakes to sunglasses, and have the physical items sent to an address of their choosing. Just to be clear, I’m not talking about the sort of bullshit Farmville goods my grandma left me in her will — this stuff is the real magilla.

Customers furnishing a credit card will be able to choose from the assortment of products and have the item delivered with a personalized note. While Facebook will not actually be making any of the products themselves, they will be taking a healthy slice of the profits for allowing merchants access to us.

“You can post your gift to your friend’s timeline or send it privately,” reads a press release from Facebook. “Your friend can then unwrap a preview of the gift and it will show up on their doorstep a few days later.”

The site will begin use of the gift tool incrementally beginning today in the United States and eventually become a global source of tchotchke-brokering. Soon, the only thing sadder than receiving a pathetic coffee mug sent via Facebook will be not getting one at all.

No word yet on whether you can gift Facebook stock to your enemies.           

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