2012 has been a lean year for Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. In Forbes’ latest ranking of the 400 richest people in America, ol’ Zuck is listed as No. 36. Oh, the humanity.
Zuck dropped 22 spots since Forbes’ previous ranking in which the CEO was listed as the 14th richest person in America. This of course explains why I saw Mark shopping at the Salvation Army by my house last weekend.
This hemorrhaging of the young billionaire’s personal fortune comes as no surprise especially in light of Facebook’s plummeting stock. Somewhere in Connecticut the Winklevoss twins are high-fiving telepathically, as identical twins are known to do.
Super-yacht fuel doesn’t come cheap, and with Mark losing nearly half of his fortune in one year, sadly, the S.S Facebookington may have to remain docked somewhere in Bermuda.
Times are tough in America, and like many struggling families, Zuck may have to cut back on some of the “luxury items” that he may have grown accustomed to before the bubble burst. Mark, I’ve created a list of suggestions to help you get through this rough patch, from one poor person to another.
1. Instead of spending money on expensive rifle ammunition while hunting big game animals for food, shop at your local Food4Less or Stater Brothers.
2. Stop giving your friends and family Fabergé eggs for Easter, and stick with a cheaper more traditional egg dyed in food coloring
3. Hold secret million dollar sex parties only once a year
4. Invest your money into gold bricks and scatter them throughout the United States to be collected after the economy picks back up
5. Rent out your private tennis courts to sports enthusiasts on the weekends
6. Stop hanging out with that spendthrift, Warren Buffett
Also, as if looking at your negative bank account wasn’t soul-crushing enough, here is the list of Forbes top ten wealthiest people in America.
Bill Gates, $66 billion
Warren Buffett, $46 billion
Larry Ellison, $41 billion
Charles Koch, $31 billion
David Koch, $31 billion
Christy Walton & family, $27.9 billion
Jim Walton, $26.8 billion
Alice Walton, $26.3 billion
S. Robson Walton, $26.1 billion
Michael Bloomberg, $25 billion