Reddit Disgusted By Fat Mannequins, MMT

Some columnists and media commentators will make you dig through overly wordy “think pieces” to find out their opinion on the news. Not me: I love that Reddit doesn’t like fat mannequins. The term “self-loathing” comes to mind.A post was made on Reddit recently depicting a photo of a new “fat” style of mannequin being displayed in certain unnamed clothing stores around the country, and Redditors, as expected, responded with disgust, outrage and thousands of upvotes. See, one-third of the country is obese (for some reason I think that fraction is higher on the largely anonymous Reddit), and there is currently a backlash against “just giving up the obesity fight.” To many, it seems that admitting our country has a problem is the same as embracing the problem.

Granted, I will agree with some of the Redditor’s comments that the depicted mannequin is disgusting-looking with its bizarrely “too small” head (it looks like something out of a Frank Miller graphic novel), but this is only fashion, people! I am just happy to know the shirt will accentuate my man boobs before I try it on.

Stop worrying about America slip-sliding into a nation of completely fat wastrels. My theory? Society got fat because our genetics haven’t accounted for people eating large diets of processed “garbage food” with little exercise. For thousands of years, we were all lean hunter types who ate fruits vegetables and boring, lean mastodon flesh. Now we can ride our Segways through the McDonalds drive-thru for Big Macs and fries and Mcflurries. Give it time, assholes; biology will catch up. In another few thousand years, our digestive system will learn to accept and turbo-process bacon mayonnaise as a form of “super water.” And then, we will all fit neatly into the airplanes, including Kevin Smith’s great, great … (and so forth) grandson. In the meantime, lets call our fat mannequins what they really are: creepy byproducts of an accidentally hilarious era.   

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