Some Dicks Named Their Newborn Baby ‘Hashtag Jameson’

There are a few reasons I want to punch this “piece of news” right in the mouth. First and foremost, the article in which I first read about it was labeled with the cringe-worthy title:

“Twitter all atwitter over newborn girl allegedly named Hashtag Jameson, but skeptics wonder if Facebook baby post is just a clever Internet hoax.”

Not only is this title too long by about 40 words, it also incorporates the wordplay-abortion “Twitter all atwitter.” Good grief.

Moving on to the meat of this fury sandwich, any way this story unfolds will be idiotic. If living garbage people actually named their child Hashtag Jameson then fuck them. As if the term “Hashtag” will still mean anything 10 years from now. It would be like naming your child “MySpace” and thinking “Yeah, this will be cool forever.”

If this is in fact a “clever Internet hoax” that people have been spreading over Facebook like the chickenpox in a Russian day care, then you all suck. If we are going to fall for the age-old internet hoax, can’t we at least make it something actually clever? No one, and I mean not a soul, should give a single damn whether someone names their kid Hashtag Jameson, Instagram Johnson or Promoted Post McGee.

I beseech you, internet audience, let’s all agree right here to only share, like or tweet things that don’t make us look like complete dicks or are at least slightly interesting. If we honor those clever enough to cook up a smart hoax and crush those who use their newborns for internet schemes, the world of practical jokes will be much better off for it.

Then again, here I am writing an article about “Hashtag Jameson.” So this is what a living nightmare feels like.

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