The Gay Agenda: Support Same-Sex Marriage or ‘We Will Marry the Crap Out’ of Your Girlfriends

It’s 2012 going on 2013, yet there still exists a bizarre, backward, arbitrary and stubborn contingent of people bulwarking the “sanctity of marriage” from all those cultural heretics who would desecrate it – no, not all those husbands and wives out there cheating on their happily-ever-after-if-by-happily-you-mean-utterly-miserable soulmates, and serving divorce papers like they were a “deaf” guy hocking quarter-machine tchotchkes on diners’ tables at a Mexican restaurant –they’re defending it from those heteronormative values-challenged men and women who want to *gasp* marry another person of the same sex — the gays. Oh, that’s not right; it’s the GAAAAYSSS. So unnatural it’s scaaarryy.

So to repeat, in an age where invisible cloaking is a reality and people can print out solid objects from the comfort of their own homes, people still give a major flying shit about who people choose to have consensual sex with. Fine. Fuck you too then. Gay men are going to bake perfect lil quiches for your beautiful girlfriends, marry them and knock them up with gaybies (turkey baster not included). Of course, this is all while we are still spending “man time” with Jake Gyllenhaal in the wilderness of a mountain somewhere. Check out the CollegeHumor video below starring the best stereotypes the gay world has to offer according to straight men who write internet comedy for a living (fuck, maybe this isn’t the best idea) to see why you should be frantically calling your senator about their support for gay marriage right about now.

 


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