With the holidays right around the corner, it’s time to start thinking about those wonderfully uncomfortable displays of togetherness known as dinner parties. With every group of strangers comes any given number of requests and complaints regarding your holiday menu. One person wants duck, another turkey, and another roast pig.
Sure, you could cook all three separately, bending over backwards for every third-removed cousin who tracks dirt across your carpet, or you could just say, “Fuck it” and cook something insane instead.
If you’ve chosen to do the whatever-the-hell-you-want path, the culinary Dr. Frankensteins from Epic Meal Time have got you covered with their brand new cookbook.
Bear-man/man-bear and creator of Epic Meal Time Harley Morenstein spoke to NMR about the cookbook, saying:
“It’s been two years of us cooking even though we don’t know how to cook. Only recently did we realize that we are the most powerful team of cooks on the Internet and it’s about that time we share all this knowledge with culinary outcasts that want to break the classic mold of what’s appropriate in the kitchen. This book is the first of many that details our recipes in a fun and educational way. We plan on stepping up our audiences cooking game.”
The cookbook contains recipes like the “Sloppy Roethlisburger” and also “Epic biographies of some real douche bags!”
Just in case you were all set to make some kind of nightmare duck-bacon-pizza-sausage-vodka-pig-cheese-gravy burger only to realize that the only cooking utensil you own is a sharpened piece of rebar, Epic Meal Time has got your back, yet again.
Following the footsteps of celebrity chefs, Epic Meal Time has launched a line of cookware, which includes:
- The Non-Stick Bacon Sizzler (30CM 12″ Open Frypan)
- The SauceBoss Sauce Pot (24CM 8QT Covered Stockpot)
- The “Get Sauced” Pan (18CM 2QT Covered Saucepan with Lid)
- Epic Shanks (6.5″ Santoku Knife E and 3.5″ Paring Knife)
- The Prep Station (14″ X 10″ X 0.2″ Cutting Board with Juice Well)
- MasterBaker Tray (14″ X 12″ Carbon Steel Cookie Sheet)
- The Tools (4″ Slotted Spoon, 14″ Slotted Turner, and 12″ Tongs)
In case you felt your cholesterol was a little too low this season, the Epic Meal Time cookbook and cookware are here to help you achieve your wildest bacon strip-filled fantasies.