Good News! Twitter Archives Kinda Sorta Have Arrived!

So Twitter is finally getting around to allowing commoners access to their old tweets. It’s not the greatest method yet, but it’s something.The Twitter archives, an oft-speculated about notion, somewhat akin to Area 51, apparently do exist, and apparently all your old links on them are still quite clickable. Here’s the problem: Your archives currently come in the form of a zip drive-style download that isn’t easily shareable. And so far they’re only available to a small base of those of us who speak the best language of them all — sorry Frenchies, it’s all about the English.“We’re rolling out this feature slowly, starting today with a small percentage of users whose language is set to English,” a blog post from Mollie Vandor, a member of Twitter’s user services engineering team, said on the micro-blogging site. “Over the coming weeks and months, we’ll make it available to all users around the world, for all the languages we offer.” Except French. She didn’t say that expressly, but I got a vibe that that was the subtext.My only real issue with this whole process is not that Twitter took so long to do this (apparently Flickr has had this sort of capability since the get-go), or that it comes in an inconvenient fashion (apparently Flickr has a much more convenient way of managing said archives), but rather all the damn whiners who are pissed off about the two aforementioned issues. Who the fuck are you that your goddamn old tweets are so epic that A.) you want to look at them again, and B.) thrust them on your fellow man once more? Whiny assholes, I’m not going to be that guy that uses the Sandy Hook massacre in a contextual and therefore scummy manner, but Jesus Christ, get some perspective on your lives. Just be grateful you have a Twitter account to complain about “Twitter jerking you around” and the freedom to comment about it in a country where Burmese thugs don’t come in and hit your legs with bamboo poles until you piss blood and have to drag yourself around on your coward belly.To check if you have the archive feature already, go to Settings and look for the option to request your Twitter archive. If it’s there, click the button, and Twitter will send you an email telling you how to access your archive when it’s ready for you to download.