One little girl’s Lisa Frank-inspired fantasy was mangled when she was bitten by a dolphin at Sea World recently, and the uploaded video if it has inspired surprised headlines across the net.
If you’re surprised that a dolphin bit a little girl, you shouldn’t be, because a.) dolphins are wild animals, b.) dolphins are smart wild animals, and c.) you’d bite the shit out of someone too if you were forced to turn tricks in some wildly inferior, grotesquely alien simulacrum of an ocean at a hyperreal theme park for wide-eyed assholes in hyperreal Hawaiian shirts tossing sardine carcasses at you.
The video of the dolphin chomp combines two things I dearly love: annoying children getting mildly hurt and animals giving humans their deserved comeuppance. Join in my rapture below.