When I hear that someone is paying an outrageous sum of money on the internet to take some young girl’s virginity, I instantly think of two types of men: one is an older Japanese business guy with jet-black hair, long pinky nails and a smile that makes you think of an advancing spider. The other is overweight and Turkish, hairy as a motherfucker and not gentle. In either case, I feel bad for the girl, and yet, I love what she is doing.
Rebecca Bernardo, an 18-year-old Brazilian high school student, saw there was money to be made in the vagina-4-sale business after a fellow Brazilian woman sold hers last year for $780,000 (to — surprise, surprise — a Japanese businessman!). And so Bernardo, who is two years younger and rides around her small town on a bicycle while wearing a sundress (creepy guy jackpot), posted a video on YouTube offering “cracking rights” to the highest bidder.
Initially when the story first broke, her fellow townspeople called her a whore and threw pennies at her — but now details have emerged that have changed everything. See, Bernardo is doing this because her mom had a debilitating stroke, and the cost of daily caregiving is more than Bernando can bear. So really, there is something almost noble in her doing this. She is sacrificing her “honor” to save a loved one, right?
Well here’s the kicker: Turns out a “benevolent” news organization offered to pay for her mother’s medical bills so that Bernardo wouldn’t have to sell the staking rights to her whisker biscuit — and she declined. See Bernardo also wants money to start a new life in a new town — and probably a Ferrari. Baby wants the big dollars for a ride on the cooter scooter. So far there have been three offers, and the biggest of them is for $35,000. Not exactly Ferrari money, but not bad for what will likely amount to a couple minutes of lying there pretending the guy is “huge.”
Does Bernardo going for the big payday make her a bad person? In a word, no. See, this world can be a dark, evil place where people like Kim Kardashian become huge stars for essentially doing the same thing. There are a lot of scumbags with a lot of money, and there are too many people on the planet for the actions of any one person to matter for any length of time. Obviously some barney is going to write in and say “Hitler!” or “Osama!” but neither of those people acted alone. Rebecca Bernardo has a unique opportunity to get paid a large sum of money for something that most girls just give away, probably to some farmhand named “Zeke.” I just wish I had a bearded clam so I could sell it on the internet as well.