For the longest time, I celebrated “Steak & Blowjob Day” on March 20th. Like an idiot. Clearly the original intent of the holiday was a sort of male “Valentine’s Day.” As such, it makes perfect sense that it should be observed exactly one month after February 14th, not a month and six days later. But that was back in the Dark Ages when we didn’t have the handiest goddamn internet calendar around. Let me just say — that noise has all changed.NMR has scoured the internet, weighed the options, and have now come down with the only calendar you will ever need: NMR’s Official Guide to Internet Holidays. No longer will you be confused about when to celebrate “Holiday” the official merriment day shepherded by the Flying Spaghetti Monster (it’s as many or as few days as you like in December — go nuts, kid). And now you won’t miss another Star Wars Day (May the Fourth be with you!) because you are doubtlessly going to print out this handy chart, store it in that rat’s nest you call a wallet, and show it to strangers unfortunate enough to sit next to you on public transit.