My dislike-bordering-on-hate for Twitter has been well documented over my tenure at NMR. And, to be honest, a lot of it has to do with that fact that after years of steady tweeting, my followers just recently topped over 150. Sure, hurt feelings have a ton to do with the bitter taste the micro-blogging site leaves in my mouth, but honestly, when was the last time Twitter did something beneficial for you? Somehow, Twitter transformed solely into a place for people to promote stuff, teenagers to misuse hashtags and celebrities to run their crazy mouths.
“But Matt, what about the conversations? I follow Neil Degrasse Tyson and he totally blows my mind on Twitter” — is something you might say to me, to which I respond, “Awesome, but Twitter still blows.” Need proof? Well, here ya go — I’ve ranked the top reasons why we should all hate Twitter this week. There’s no particular order because they all suck.
1. Carl’s Jr. hijacks pope news to sell burgers
Seriously, Carl’s Jr.? This is the best your marketing team can come up with? It seems after Jorge Bergoglio was announced as Pope, the whiz kids at CJ’s decided then, and only then would be the ideal time to hock cheeseburgers. The fast food chain tweeted:
And as if that first solid gold piece of comedy wasn’t enough, Carl’s Jr continued to tweet out this double dose of hilarity:
2. #IntenseWakeFan is actually a thing
This one takes a little explaining … actually, no it doesn’t. Basically some guy got really excited during the first round of the ACC basketball tournament when Maryland beat Lake Forest 75-62, which was just too much for Twitter users to handle. For whatever reason, people started making fun of this dude just because he was pulling a real Bobby Knight at the game. Just let the guy be excited, internet. No one makes fun of you after you lose your shit every time Apple unveils a smaller iPad.
3. Kid gets arrested for posting embarrassing gym photos on Twitter
My biggest beef with Twitter resides within the fact that it has become the ideal platform for stupid people to do stupid things. Take Caleb Kordsmeier for example. This young man thought it would be hyster-i-cal to post pictures of fitness enthusiasts at the gym, including one guy undressing in the locker room. Kordsmeier is locked up now with a $2,500 bond and a Twitter account that recently posted “Write the judge and (prosecutor) a letter with your concerns if you feel inclined.” Good grief.
4. Charlie Sheen goes on Twitter rant over daughter getting bullied
Typically in the real non drug-fueled world, when your child is being bullied at school, the appropriate thing to do is contact the school and have the problem corrected. Charlie Sheen however, because Twitter is one of the few places he still receives attention, hopped on the site to rage about the school where his daughter was being bullied. Sheen tweeted, “They needed a visual reminder not to forget the epidemic of bullying,” after asking his followers to vandalise the school.
I’m sorry, but aren’t celebrities the ones who are always saying “respect our privacy” and “it’s a private matter?” What’s going on here, Chuck? Why must you always turn everything into a “thing” on Twitter? Pull yourself together; your brother is the famous Gordon Bombay for christ’s sake.