A 5-Step Video Roadmap To Celebrating St. Patrick’s Day Like A True Drunken Irishman

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As a woman of Irish descent about to celebrate the holiday of her people, I feel it’s my job — nah, my obligation! — to provide you with key guidance on how to make your St. Patrick’s Day unforgettable. As legend has it, the holiday of St. Patrick’s Day was created with one purpose. To celebrate St. Patrick, the most recognized patron in all of Ireland? No, of course not! This holiday was created for one thing and one thing only: to get day-drunk.

It is one of the few days every year that encourages the world to spend its entire day downing green beer in the name of the great Irish country. Just how the great Irish lads and lasses of my lineage would have wanted it. In the videos below I’ve mapped out instructions for your celebrations from how to make green beer to avoiding the hangover Monday morning. So on Sunday at 9 a.m., drink in the name of the Irish! It’s exactly how St. Patrick would have wanted it, and trust me, I’m Irish, I know.

Step One: Make Green Beer

This is the first step towards having a wonderful St. Patrick’s Day. Plus, if you forget to wear green clothing, holding a glass of green beer can count as your shield against all the pinching. Sure, you’ll never be able to put it down, but compromises have to be made.

Step Two: Begin Drinking While Listening to Danny Boy

There is only one proper way to get ready for this great holiday, and that is to the sweet vocals of the Muppets serenading you with “Danny Boy.” It just feels right, doesn’t it? Now drink on!