Amanda Bynes is undergoing a public “metamorphosis.”
She was a sweet gentle caterpillar type who made pleasant films for big-eyed romance-loving cheeseball “tweens.” Now, she’s a skank. But here’s the thing: I mad dig it.
I think it’s no secret that I go over in a big way for trashy women, so when I see a tweet from Ms. Bynes that reads: “I want @drake to murder my vagina,” I am instantly like, “Hell, yes!” My only problem is that her tweet has gone viral, having been retweeted now over 14,000 times — so there is certainly going to be a bit of a line for what the French call “sloppy seconds.”
And so that is why I am making a pitch straight to Drake (who has not yet publicly responded): Drake, m’boy, lets make this a “double homicide.” We can go straight Bianchi & Buono on that thing. Or if that doesn’t move you, Bonny & Clyde (but I get to be Clyde). It’s like Britney said, “Peter, Paul and Mary.” Now lets slay that magic dragon.
Amanda has been on a massive downslide lately, what with her multiple issues with the law over drinking and driving, her getting evicted from her apartment for rocking the ganj and the recent addition of terrifying cheek piercings. She even said she was “twerking.” Ew.
Her Twitter feed in total smacks of a sad sort of weary desperation. I bet if Jonathan Brandis had made it to the “new media dance,” his Twitter feed would have looked a lot like this. So I guess what I am saying is, Drake, time is probably a factor here. We should lock this down sooner than later. Hit me back, yo.