Next up on Justin Bieber’s social media-based descent into madness? Accidental nudity.
There seems to be a certain sort of pattern with celebrities as they teeter over the precipice and into irrelevancy. Ask Scott Stapp. The correct follow-up question for most of you should be “Who is Scott Stapp?” Exactly.
In fact, I am developing the “Klima Theory of Celebrity Descent” just to address this particular emerging pattern.
The first stage is “drug photo.” This is that casual shot snapped in an alley or posted to an Instagram account that details a celebrity toking on a bong, hitting a joint or doing a rail. No big deal really, just some harmless fun. But it is a chink in an otherwise squeaky clean armor.
2nd stage is the “personal issues” stage. This is where they begin missing concerts and/or events or being unable to complete them because of some “personal issue.” It is usually chalked up to “exhaustion.”
The 3rd stage is “lashing out.” This is where Justin currently is. In the video posted above he threatens to fight a paparazzi guy who would absolutely murder him. Like no question, it would be a destruction of all Justin’s components. Like I feel like that guy would even do something vaguely supernatural to Justin’s p*nis — that’s how much he would destroy him. Also, see his snipes on Twitter for reference.
The 4th stage is “accidental nudity.” This is where a photo or video gets out exposing genitals or breasts usually because the star was unaware via the presence of drugs or alcohol in their system. At this stage, the star has typically crossed over into “living joke” status.
5th stage contains the “vehicular demon” phase of a star’s descent. Usually they will be an absolute and unapologetic menace on the road with the typical result being that someone (usually a photographer) gets their foot run over. Sometimes a jail stint is involved with this phase.
The 6th stage is “publicly insane.” This is the moment at which a celebrity’s career goes AWOL. Frequently they shave their head, but this stage is typified by the celebrity being caught screaming in the road or wandering into places they shouldn’t, sometimes while naked. For most, this stage is a terminal; for some, just a career weakener. It’s never pretty.
Obviously, this list is by no means ironclad. Some stars hop over certain aspects of it, others engage in the stages in different orders. But in the end, it’s never a pretty plunge. Feel free to comment if you have suggestions for the Klima Theory.