Good news, netizens! By my calculations, the internet is picking up speed. Trends are birthed and forgotten at a rate of roughly one a week now. Whereas “Call Me Maybe” tribute videos carried us through summer and “Gangnam Style” lasted to the early part of 2013, we’re now at an all-time high for “trend-skimming.”
Similar to skipping tracks on an iPod, seeking out the perfect jam for that moment, “trend-skimming” allows people to become attached momentarily to a meme before instantly moving on to the next fad. It was this mindset that allowed most of the world to get over the “Harlem Shake” in about three weeks. Now we’ve tightened it up even further.
This is “Quidditching.” It replaced “Vadering” which replaced “Hadokening.” Like those others, enjoy “Quidditching” now, because this is the last you’re likely going to see of it. If my research is correct, by this time next month, we will be creating new trends at a rate of four a day. That means every six hours I will be forced to write an article declaring some bullshit as the “best. thing. ever!” As opposed to now where I only do it once every eight hours.
Can we continue at this rate? Can we possibly endure an existence where there is a new trend every time we blink? For my paycheck’s sake, God I hope so.