Watching “Willy Wonka” growing up, I always felt like a more straight-laced version of Charlie. Where he failed with the fizzy lifting drink, I would have kept on the tour and behaved myself. It was always a source of pride with me.
But now, seeing this video of a whirling board of chocolate launched into apparent motion by a simple lighting trick, I realize that every child has their limitations after all. I want to dive into the midst of this confectionery mobius strip and eat the hell out of it like some fat parasite. I want the bakers who designed it to weep in horror as I crush their dazzling handiwork and plant two plump fists through the walls of the castle at the center. And did I mention that I intend to be on ecstasy when I’m doing all this? I will be like some blissed-out Gulliver just snacking on the mini chocolate denizens as I trample them beneath my feet. I want to hear the lamentations of their women as I gorge on chocolate soldiers sent out to defend the turrets. I shall pillage and plunder until I have a tummy ache or the “e” wears off and I shamefully crawl out of mashed brown ruins and into the waiting arms of the Oompa Loompas.
But before I’d go, I’d give Wonka back his everlasting gobstopper. I feel like that would totally redeem me.
For more cool effects videos, check out the following links: