Gizoogle Be Da New Search Engine For All Da Ballas Out There – Don’t Hate

Meet Gizoogle, a search engine that takes your boring old web queries and blings them out. It’s like Google, only more likely to jack your weed supply with an AK-47.

Of course, the brand new search engine assures you right off that THEY ARE IN NO WAY, SHAPE OR FORM ASSOCIATED WITH GOOGLE. The legal beagles must have their snouts collectively up Gizoogle’s ass, because time and time again, they assure everyone that they are only a parody site. In fact, the site runners refer to it as “mad libs meets gangsta rap, y’all.”

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Gizoogle initially started back in 2005 and ran until 2011, when its original creator abandoned it.. Now a few rap slang-loving entrepreneurs have fired it back up with a vengeance. Part of that vengeance also includes a new smartphone app and enhanced search algorithms though, so if you used it way back when, just know this ain’t your daddy’s Gizoogle.

How it works is simple: Type in a phrase or question as you would on that other search engine who shall now remain nameless. I chose, “How do I murder everyone in my office and get away with it?” Now, not only did Gizoogle respond with a myriad of handy sites for getting away with murder, but it also translated my original query into much cooler rap slang: “How do I cappin’ mah playas up in mah crib n’ git away wit it?” Too true, shorty, too true.

While they do use the pejorative “biotch” as well as plenty of profanity (which they apologize for somewhat — very ungangsta), the site runners affirm that there are no racist terms involved in the transcriptions. So authenticity points are lost, but no big deal when the main objective is to have a fun silly alternative for search.

The inspiration for the new iteration of Gizoogle comes from the grand emperor of rap himself, Snoop Dogg. Though Snoop is in no way actually affiliated with the site either, the runners insist that everything he does is great and that you should totally buy all his movies and albums. Yeah, I’ll get right on that. While it’s not exactly the handiest tool for scientific research, it more than beats the hell out of that lousy piece of shit Bing. So go nuts with it.

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In the meantime, here are some other handy phrases that I’ve let Gizoogle translate for me:

“Who makes the best burrito in Irvine?” becomes “Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck make tha dopest burrito up in Irvine?”

Here I tried to overload its computer brain with the age-old destroyer of robots query:
“What is love?” which became “What tha fuck iz love?”

It handled that impressively, for the only definition of the word “love” is truly the word itself. Well played, Gizoogle. Also acceptable though would have been the response, “Baby don’t hurt me, baby don’t hurt me, no more.”

I even tried to cheat by feeding it its own slang to make a new evolution of “super slang,” but Gizoogle was too smart for that and left my query alone:

“Why mah shorty gotta be jockin’ Big Mike and Ray-Ray behind mah back?” stayed the ghetto-rific “Why mah shorty gotta be jockin’ Big Mike and Ray-Ray behind mah back?”

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