Capitalizing off the shortcomings of the less intelligent, Fail Army, the penultimate source for dynamic videos of people (and everything else) falling, tripping or just plain sucking at life, has just hit 2.5 million subscribers!
Like a snowflake turning into an avalanche, the Fail Army crew has been picking up momentum at an all-consuming rate — in July of 2012, they had a shade over 47,000 subscribers. Now they have … okay, let’s see … umm … carry the one … a bunch more than that! If these numbers hold up, Fail Army could likely have every man, woman and child enlisted by the end of 2015. It will likely be so massive that eventually a rift will form, splitting the Fail Army in twain, pitting brother against brother, groin injury against groin injury in a series of escalating conflicts. Unlike the Civil War that preceded it though, the great Fail Army Conflict of 2627 will be a hell of a lot more comedic. Thank god the benevolent Fail Army government legalizes cloning in 2019 as a means to “up the ante” on fail videos, and, as a byproduct, a version of myself will be around to witness said conflict.
When writing this sort of article, you always want to have some pleasantly inoffensive comment from an executive-type, thus the president of Fail Army’s parent company, ChiWay Entertainment, Jonathan Skogmo said, “We’ve always had a vision for the Fail Army brand that extended well beyond YouTube. We’re still in the earliest stages of development on the next chapter, but could not be more excited at the amazing fan response.” He then went on to add:
“Original content creators are the backbone of Fail Army. The channel thrives because it’s content comes direct from the overwhelmingly dedicated fanbase.”
And here I thought it was because we’re a nation of sadists.
Oh, and did I mention that roughly coinciding with the 2.5 million subscribers, Fail Army also achieved the 450 million views platform? Damn, why can’t I achieve that kind of success? I’ve got to learn to stop huffing paint. Good work, Fail Army. Keep up the good work and know that you have my allegiance. Particularly if you ever need a video of someone huffing paint and then falling off a roof. Onto a rake. Which then hits him in the nuts. Hilariously.
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