“Fireworks gone wrong” is a natural theme for glorious YouTube videos because of the dual components of highly explosive materials and drunk dumbasses. There is no more acceptable form of injury or property damage than when some bumpkin tries to get too clever with the Chinese sky candy.
And there is no better holiday than the 4th of July for folks to blend fireworks and pain. In fact, I can’t wait until next year when we can post about all the morons who blew themselves up (or made a valiant effort at least) this year. But until that point, here are the best mishaps in the word of bottle rockets, black cats and mortars.
5. Hand Blown Off By Firework
He’s lucky he only lost his hand — this looks more like a dynamite accident gone wrong. Granted, most people don’t find genuine accidents all that funny, but this goes so inexplicably wrong that I gotta believe some psycho out there is having a chuckle. And what is the 4th of July for if not giving psychopaths exactly what they want? Oooh, America burn.
4. Bottle rocket Out Of Ass Goes Scorchingly Bad
This guy forgets the cardinal rule of firing a bottle rocket out of your asshole — don’t do it. See, the sparks will burn your corn chute, thus making your sphincter tighten up, thus creating a death grip on said bottle rocket. The bottom line is: that firework isn’t going anywhere — except maybe to the emergency room when the paramedics are too busy laughing to “jaws of life” your anus apart.
3. Mega Fireworks Show Makes Vietnam Look Like A Tea Party
Any time you get a homespun assortment of illegal fireworks together, you are basically asking for trouble. When trouble comes, the best thing you can hope for is that you have a video camera running. This video provides some glorious skybound visuals before the moment all hell breaks lose and the one misfiring sparkler ignites the whole box of whizbangs. Bonus points for the sheer number of amassed explosives in one place — it’s like a goddamn ACME factory going off.