Not only have you been writing novels but also you originally started as a DJ.
Yeah well originally I was the “Schuhplattler” which is a dance in Germany. We would not see it now; I shall stand and show you, but it’s like — watch out big ball [moves inflatable ball] — so it’s like [does German dance]. Sorry, buddy. I can do some for you outside if you like later. But yeah, so I start with this and then I start to make some DJ turns, so I was a DJ making things in Germany and then I realized I want to spread my music to all of the world, you know, not just like my tiny town or my uncle’s birthday party or something — that’s like eight people. I want to do it like 8 billion people so Los Angeles is the place to do it, so I am here now to spread all of my things.
And what kind of equipment do you use to make your party music?
My party music can be from anything that you like. Sometimes I shall go to a party and I — you know, forgetful Johnson — did forget something so they can give to me tools. I did once do a party just with glasses and glasses. So a man eyeglasses and then, glasses. And then I have my looper pedal and I make a sound, and I make a whole concert.
What would it sound like?
Shall I make one for you?
You can demonstrate.
Yeah, sure. I can give to you. So the trick for this — shall I record the audio and give it to you later? ‘Cause you will not hear it is the sad thing.
So what were your early works like?
My early works?
Yes, as a DJ.
I did always — and I still do it now — I make songs with real sounds. So like if I make a song about doggies, it must have real dog sounds because what is a dog song if it is a record of you going, “Bark, bark”? What is this?
So you go find a dog and make him bark?
Yeah. But natural, not like, “Now bark, poochie!” You know you want to make it so it is natural, it is a real bark from a real dog.
How long have you been living in Los Angeles?
I’ve been here now like two years, and I enjoy it very much. I think I shall be here a little bit, you know, going back and forth because here it is like a place where I may share my things with everybody, my music and my videos and all of these things. It is like Los Angeles is like a megaphone, you know? Like I’m a tiny person; who can hear me? You know? Maybe a lady, but then I come here Los Angeles is like the megaphone, and now all the people can hear me more.
And how are you succeeding at that?
I think good, you know? People are liking my things, I have some gigs and concerts, and I’m making YouTube videos for people, humans, to watch and do things like this, and I think they are liking it, but everything must be bigger, you know? It is like, do you know gummy bears? The gummy, gummy bears? [begins singing] “Gummy bear …” If you take the gummy bears and put it in a bowl of some water, wait like five days, you know what is occurring?
It gets very huge. I want to be like the gummy bear that you put in the water bottle.
That’s an interesting analogy. When you first came to Los Angeles, what was your first impression of our city?
The city is a crazy place, you know? There is no sidewalking for humans, you know? If you’re like, “I’m not an automobile. I want to go to the …” — stop, you can not go no place; you just stay in a tiny room, watch a television, call the pizza place. So you need some cars so I learn this. Also it is a little more warm here, many times, so I’m not prepared as you can see I am sweating like an old man in a sauna, and this is always what is occurring here as I am not prepared. My body was not raised in this.
Of course, ‘cause you came from Erlangen, right?
That’s in Bavaria?
Yeah, so north Bavaria. Yeah. It’s a nice place.
Also the home of Dirk Nowitzki?
You know it, and you said it correct also. I like that. Yeah.
I’ve seen a lot of your videos and you’re always praising Dirk Nowitzki. In fact, in one of your videos, you call him “the German Moses.” What makes him so great?
Why is Dirk great? Dirk is the best thing in all of the world and all of the things, you know? Let us say you like some cuppy cakes and you go to a store you’re like, “These are some really nice cuppy cakes, yeah?” Well then you just call Dirk and you say, “Dirk shall you make a cuppy cake?” And he will be like, “Great.” He make it for you, he mail it to you, guess what is best cuppy cake in the world?
What is it?
They’re Dirks. He require no practice to be expert in all of things in the world. You want a nice yoga session, call Dirk. He can learn it, he can know it. He’s like, he is the best. Everyone is like number 400; Dirk is number 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, [softly counts] 398, 399, 400! I don’t know.
But he is 1 to 399 right?
Yeah. Well, he’s tall so.
So that explains why he takes all those spots, right?
Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t know the answer; it’s mystery. Like gravity, why is it here?
Right so how did you feel when the Mavericks won their first championship?
I was like bowel moving, no control, want to dance all the time, screaming, screaming like a tiny baby — really all the behaviors of baby is what I did have. I was screaming all the time, was not sleep — two in the morning, still screaming — just pee pee in the pants, hungry all the time, just drool.
Wow. Well unfortunately they haven’t won the last two seasons because of Miami so how do you think the Mavericks will do this season?
How will they do it? They will do it like they do it, which is, watch out, Dirk is here; everyone run away because you have no chances. He’s a baller, he’s a shooter and a dunker.