2. Harper Gruzin
This video, filmed at a Major League Soccer match between Dallas and the Los Angeles Galaxy has gone viral with nearly 2 million folks tuning in to see what utter hopelessness looks like. This girl is painfully tone deaf and it is a shame that she will forever be known for having one of the most shamefully terrible versions of this song ever recorded. That Gruzin is only 11 is immaterial — thank god this kid had a chance to learn the truth before anyone else had to suffer.
1. Roseanne Barr
I would love for some video to come along and knock this one from its perch, but the sheer amount of shit Roseanne took after this really damaged what was a superstar career. Sucking all the way through it, she tries to turn it into a comedic moment by spitting and grabbing her crotch, but that probably just made everything worse. As a humorist, I completely empathize with her. But I and everybody else quickly learned you can’t fuck with the SSB.
Should you be interested, the following link is a wonderfully terrific rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner, that this kid totally saves from being an epic fail: