This video, actually named the much-less accessible “How to Stop Her Crying” teaches a fantastic trick in the world of parenting — distraction. While this trick of distracting this little girl with specific questions and commands might be case specific to her, the principle works with all children — and crazy people. All you have to do is out-crazy them. When a crazy person starts pestering you, start throwing feces at them. Believe me, they’ll go away. The same for crying kids — when a child begins crying, I find the best method of getting them to stop crying is to distract them by pretending to be a horrifying monster … like a screaming, growling teeth-gnashing demon beast. Act like you’ve come to eat them. Trust me.
Of course, at this point I should mention that not only do I not have children, but I actively dislike them and wish scads of nightmares on them. So perhaps take anything I say about consoling children with a grain of salt.
Here are more obnoxious, obnoxious children: