There’s a special place in Hell for people who bully and mock children — I know this because I man the breakfast kiosk there (don’t buy the scones!). But the reality is that “Chinese Food,’ the latest YouTube sensation in a line of viral “Friday” knockoffs, isn’t the work of some big-eyed child ingenue (Alison Gold), but rather Patrice Wilson, the same dude who penned “Friday,” “Thanksgiving” and most of the other songs that people associate with terrible music by and for the demographic known as “tweens.”
Even worse, detractors are calling this obnoxious novelty “racist,” citing that the video highlights Oriental Avenue on a Monopoly board and showing (Japanese) geishas in a song about Chinese food. As someone who makes their living off exploiting new media controversy, I wish there was some deeper slant (no, that is not a racial pun, witch hunters) to all this, but I don’t feel like Wilson had any agenda other than rhyming (sort of) stupid words to make money.
In fact, according to MTV.com, he wrote the song in half an hour (which was 15 minutes longer than it took to pen “Friday”) while at an express chinese food restaurant. “My intent was to show the world that Patrice Wilson loves Chinese food. If they want to take it that way [negatively] that’s their prerogative.” Yeah, he seems that simple to me too — no Machiavellian grand design, no wizard behind the curtain, just a simple dude who really, really likes MSG.
And guess what? With over 6 million views in two days, he’s clearly master of this realm. But “Chinese Food” falls well short of “Friday” (and if my Spider Sense is worth a damn) it will never be the true next “Friday.” So get angry and advance whatever crackpot theory you wish, but just stop claiming that this song is annoying enough to be the next “Friday.” Sure this song is terrible, but Rebecca Black (via Patrice) pioneered a special kind of terrible that only comes along once in a lifetime — if we’re lucky.
For more in the vein of this oh-so-wacky “Chinese Food” craze, here are some other awful, awful songs: