Biting the Hand That Feeds Us: Top 10 Things We Hate About YouTube

Look, NMR can’t be all sunshine and kittens. Sometimes we get fed up with the very material we are tasked with covering day in and day out. Don’t you think we want to tell it like it is once in a while? Don’t you think we get tired of hearing everyone in interviews say, “I’m just so excited about the process/collaboration/fans”? You might find this hard to believe, but, well, there are some things that we just outright don’t like about YouTube. In fact, you might say we hate YouTube. And our parents (lousy beatniks). Okay, so we don’t really hate you, YouTube, but here are 10 things we hate about you (R.I.P. Heath Ledger).

10. Complainers

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Yes, we all hate complainers a whole bunch, but since this is a list about complaining, we can’t complain about the complainers too much. That being said, “Look people: sh*t is going to change, yes you have a fondness for the OG layout that YouTube had when you first got started — nobody likes to learn new stuff when they’re comfortable with the old style, but guess what? Let YouTube do their thing — clearly their goal is to provide the BEST YouTube we can have, so allow them to do their thing, and in time, the strongest version of YouTube will emerge.

9. Suggested Videos That Have Nothing To Do With Our Search

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Nothing frosts my cookies more than typing in “Sexy Lady Peeing On A Fire” and having a bunch of videos come up that don’t have anything to do with that topic. Sure it’s a niche, but are you telling me that in all the billions of videos uploaded to YouTube, you can’t pull up 10 that at least semi-relate to that topic? Somebody give that search algorithm a tweak for my sake — I’ve got needs.

8. Not Knowing What The Deleted Comments Said

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Yes, I know whatever the mods deleted was most likely spam — an advertisement to make my p*nis bigger or some racially-fueled hate speech by some wackjob; but dammit, I hate being out of the loop. When I look down at the comments and all I see is a deleted comment and then a bunch of people reacting like “Ooh” and “F**k you” and “I can’t believe you said that,” I feel left out of the group. And exclusion is a form of bullying, YouTube.

7. Mermaids

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(Also known as “Thumbnail Girls”) Look, I don’t have a problem with people utilizing cleavage and come-hither looks in their thumbnails to lure me into their videos — provided your video has at least some of that in there. Clearly the method works because people complain about others doing it so often — but the real complaint is if you don’t deliver on the sexy. Look, if you put that as your thumbnail, and I click it, it is because I want to see more of whatever that thumbnail pic is — I don’t want to see your goddamn jam band. However if you play your lame-ass music while showing me footage of say, a sexy lady peeing on a fire, well, then … we both win.