Biting the Hand That Feeds Us: Top 10 Things We Hate About YouTube

6. “Hit the ‘Subscribe’ button”

The “Subscribe” button is the modern equivalent of the answering machine beep. By now, we all f**king know what to do and how to do it — you don’t have to spend 30 seconds of video explaining to us that if we like what we saw, we can feel free to comment on it in the box below and then hit the subscribe button to get lots more great content. Look, if people don’t know how to access your videos by now, you don’t want them as a subscriber.

5. Copycats

Screen shot 2013-11-05 at 3.30.15 PM

I’m not going to mention any names, but we all know who they are — the content creators who are making ends meet by taking any new idea that pops up and farming it out as their own innovation. Look, we all have mouths to feed, but if you can’t come up with your own unique content, get out of the game and go back to college. Just because you can rip off someone’s idea and get away with it while screaming “fair use” doesn’t mean you should. It’s like My Morning Jacket says, “They are the imitators, we are the innovators.” Thank you, “American Dad.”

4. Deceptive Titles

Screen shot 2013-11-05 at 3.27.23 PM

I remember one instance in particular where I was looking for the “David-Hasselhoff-eating-a-cheeseburger-off-the-floor” video and I found several links advertising the video — only to have it be some dumb reaction video that doesn’t contain the footage or only has a screengrab of the action (which they used as a “Mermaid” thumbnail). Yes, that video has been pulled off YouTube, but if you don’t have the goods, don’t claim that you do. Be clear from the outset and make “Reaction” the first word in your title. Trust me, if I want to see what you think, I … well, guess what? I don’t want to see what you think.

3. Needlessly Long Videos

Okay, you’ve lured us in with your promise of a guy getting murdered by a train — now don’t make us wait for eight minutes and 36 seconds of boring non-train murder to see the splat. Utilize some basic editing and cut that video down to the nitty gritty.