Bill Nye Dispels the Myths of U.S. Foreign Aid in Emotional Plea For Humanity [VIDEO]

I think that Bill Nye spent the first half of his professional career intentionally endearing himself to children so that one day, when we are all adults, we would take him and his new, more pressing work seriously. And you know what? It friggin’ worked. I’ll follow you anywhere, Bill Nye the Science Guy. Just tell me who to kill with my backyard laser beam (that you showed me how to make) and I will do it. You’ve created a loyal army of scientifically advanced supersoldiers with your years of indoctrination, Bill. Unfortunately, you picked the wrong generation to teach and we all have the attention span of gnats, so we didn’t really receive any of your peaceful message. We’re bloodthirsty, Bill. Let us kill for you (imagine me saying this while staring straight ahead and mechanically slicing my fingers off with a kitchen knife).

Or cure world hunger, whichever you prefer.

Here are some other messages of hope from the world:

Facebook To Lose 80 Percent of Its Audience in Next Three Years, Study Says

‘A Call To My Childhood Rapist Teacher’: Woman Confronts Her Abuser During Emotional YouTube Video

Vimeo Commits $500,000 To Help Bring Crowdfunded Films To ‘Vimeo on Demand’

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