Say hello to candidate numero uno, Harley Brown! Harley’s interests include a coincidental affinity for Harley motorcycles, passion for racially offensive humor, and abstinence from oral hygiene. He also took the opportunity to make a Playboy reference during the debate, which gets him a gazillion bonus points in our book: “We bikers! Discrimination? We are cop magnets, like a Playboy Bunny wearing a miniskirt gets hit on all the time!” (8:30)
He’s going to have some tough competition from candidate numero dos, Walt Bayes, or “gewpaw” as his great-grandkids call him. Sir Bayes is a sole believer in the Old Testament Lord Almighty, so try not to bring up the topic of abortion within a fifty foot radius because he’ll start spouting how “when you murder 56 million babies, you’re asking for our country to be demolished!” (6:45)
Now there are in fact two other candidates who are cereal box versions of an average politician — but they are a complete snooze-fest. Who needs a qualified political candidate when we got good ole’ Brown and Bayes to choose from!
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