Someone just won a record $260 million from Powerball. It wasn’t me and it probably wasn’t you. But that doesn’t mean you should give up trying. I’m not going to do that thing where I tell you that you aren’t going to win the Lotto because I believe you are. You were born lucky; you were meant to rise above the rest of us slobs and Powerball is the thing that’s going to get you there. Play the Lotto and achieve your dreams. Make sure you put all your money into it, in fact. You believe in your destiny, right? Put money you don’t have into it … borrow money from everywhere you can. Once you get the Mega Millions you’ll be able to pay it all off.
What do you mean you’re not going to sell everything you own for Lotto tickets? Maybe you’re not the person I thought you were. Well, enjoy staying poor. Here are some videos to brighten your existence at least:
5. 7-Time Powerball Winner Offers Tips For Winning
These tips are pretty basic, but clearly they’ve worked for this lucky SOB.
4. Smart Lotto Scam
A beautiful woman and a chance to screw over a foreigner? Count me in.
3. Man Wins $25,000 On News While Re-enacting How He Previously Won Lotto
Scratchy audio only lasts a little bit. This is a heartwarming vid to make up for all the pranks and scams.
2. “Now That I’m Rich, Here’s What I Think Of You All”
Would be a slam dunk number one if I thought it was real.
1. “I Think I’m Gonna Poop My Pants”
This video is so tragic because the first thing this cute chicka plans to do when she thinks she’s won is get a boob job. I so desperately want her to get that boob job.
Share because at least you’ll win a few laughs with this article.
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