Meet Secret, The New App That Raised (And Will Probably Lose) $25 Million In Investor Funding

Blasting through a round of Series B financing, Secret, the new app that allows for interweb users to post content anonymously, has just raised $25 million. This brings the total capital raised to just over $36 million — and for what? 4chan lite.

Secret, whose stated goal is to allow people to say anonymous things — hopefully kind anonymous things — about one another online seems like the worst idea since I didn’t invent the digital equivalent of the pet rock. Take note of the screen capture below — is this truly the sum estimation of what two ex-Google employees have created and people like Joe Montana and Alexis Ohanian have pumped millions into?

Screen Shot 2014-07-14 at 3.57.01 PMThe problem with being able to post kind messages to one another is that, if they are really kind, you don’t need or want them to be anonymous. Snapchat works because it is purely geared towards sexting. 4chan “succeeds” (in theory) because it is an outlet for rage and aggression and ennui. You don’t need an outlet for pleasant, banal comments: that’s already so, so much of the internet. Damn, I wish these people had just elected to give their money to me — I would have kicked them in the nuts immediately and saved them months of declining returns.

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