Troll Twitter accounts are usually one-off that die when whoever is controlling them gets too lazy or too busy to keep them up. These are not those accounts.
The minds behind these Twitter accounts seem to do nothing all day and tweet about their non-existent lives, and I am loving every minute of it. For example, Guy in Your MFA tweets about 5-6 times a day. Something tells me that this guy exists and someone who is stuck rooming with him bitterly tweets every waking moment they have to spend with him.
Thanks for your critique. I won’t implement any of it, but I’m happy we spent 2.5 hours discussing my story.
— Guy In Your MFA (@GuyInYourMFA) October 30, 2014
For some of you aspiring writers, Worst Muse has you covered when it comes to leading you astray.
Your protagonist should be an everyman, which is to say exactly like you but with better romantic prospects.
— The Worst Muse (@WorstMuse) October 23, 2014
Evghenia on Mars is a relatively new account, and if you haven’t guessed by now, all she does is tweet about being the first person on Mars.
sometime i wake up at night on mars and whisper “what am doing here on mars?” then i whisper back to myselfs “being first. that is enough”
— Evghenia is on Mars (@OnMarsFirst) October 28, 2014
Fake Hannibal enjoys chastising the things he refuses to eat.
You hibernate in vain, brown bear. You can sleep to escape the cold, but I fear your guilt will follow you even into your dreams.
— Hannibal At The Zoo (@ZooHannibal) October 3, 2014
Now if you haven’t started following Jesus or God on twitter for your daily dose of blasphemy, you are missing out. Both accounts update regularly and one of them even got a book deal! Nope, that’s not a Bible joke, the God twitter account really does have his own book.
Remember I died for your sins. So if you don’t sin, I died for nothing.
— Jesus Christ (@Jesus_M_Christ) October 24, 2014
Halloween is the second-best pagan holiday, right behind Christmas.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) October 29, 2014
Sad Paul Giamatti is depressing until you imagine him actually saying these things, then it becomes hysterical.
The bus driver closed the door on my forehead
— Sad Paul Giamatti (@SadPaulGiamatti) August 18, 2014
Marvel-lovers you are not left out in the cold on this one. Bucky has his own account and my god is it laden with gold.
bucky’s smokey eye tutorial 1) take eye shadow 2) RUB IT OVER YOUR EYES LIKE IT’S THE BLOOD OF YOUR ENEMIES 3) blend
— bucky barnes (@official_bucky) May 6, 2014
Not Tilda Swinton was an amazing parody account until Tilda Swinton publicly spoke about it. However, if your looking for that nugget of makes-no-sense philosophy and Jaden Smith hasn’t filled that void for you, this account has got you covered.
Drag yourself along a coarse stone. Leave any skin that is torn off. It is weak filth, and you are stronger for its absence.
— Tilda Swinton (@NotTildaSwinton) July 9, 2013
I Hate Steampunk that fell into sad disrepair back in December. I think maybe one of the Tesla coils it used to tweet may have blown. I also have high hopes that it may make a comeback.
Hello, chap. I’m told you favor cranks. So I affixed a crank to your crank, so if it pleases you, you may crank whilst you crank. #steampunk
— IHateSteampunk (@IHateSteampunk) December 15, 2013
Seinfeld Today gives the gift that keeps on giving. Seinfeld, if it had never ended.
George is pissed when he shows his GF a funny pic on his phone & she begins swiping through his photos. G:”She swiped!” J:”You can’t swipe!”
— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) October 7, 2014
Yes, I know, that was technically eleven accounts but if you really think about it, Jesus and God count as one right? Right?
You think your life is confusing? pic.twitter.com/x7nLHhy08m
— Jesus Christ (@Jesus_M_Christ) October 29, 2014
