Because We Want You To Survive The Zombie Apocalypse

Everyone’s been saying it for years: the zombie apocalypse is nigh.

And we at NMR want you, dear reader, to have a chance at surviving this inevitable apocalypse. After all, on the off chance the world ever restores to some sort of order, we want to make sure we still have people reading this very important news publication full of substance and information.

So we’ve gone ahead and compiled some useful videos for you to prepare yourselves properly. Thank us later by not shanking us over a can of beans in a long-abandoned grocery store whilst a zombie lumbers closer and closer in search of a meal, mmk? Thanks, friend.

(Disclaimer: don’t try any weapony stuff at home. That shit’s dangerous, yo. Wait til your home’s already destroyed and overrun by flesh eating corpses first.)

To start us off, we’ve got just some super general advice for surviving the zapocalypse. Not incredibly useful for any specific prep, but it does contain the best piece of zombie-related advice I’ve personally ever been given: “Make sure before you shoot someone making weird noises you ensure it’s not Nikki Minaj.”

This list of essential items for the apocalypse might be a little overkill if you’re trying to travel light or on foot, but if you’re putting together your kit and you have a vehicle to travel in (see below), this is a great jumping off point.

Just in case you don’t feel the previous list covered everything, here’s another: 25 Things You Need to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse.

I don’t know that any of these homemade weapons would actually do you any good whilst fighting zombies, but sometimes a false sense of confidence and security is comforting before you get your arm bitten off by your former mailman.

What to wear in a zombie apocalypse is fairly common sense, but in case you’re in full on panic mode!! here’s some common sense reminders.

There isn’t time to get in shape AFTER the zombie virus breaks out, so go ahead and get started on this one ASAP. Actually, you know what, just hit play and get to work while you check out the rest of the list.

Think you know where you’ll go during a zombie apocalypse? Think again. ZMZreloaded doles out some super practical advice as to why your first ideas may be the worst ideas and get you and everyone you love killed immediately.

I’ll admit, when I was purchasing my car, I did some reading into what vehicles were best suited for various apocalyptic scenarios, including zombie attacks. Ultimately, I decided tight parallel parking in LA was more deadly than zombies and went with a Prius, but every so often I get really anxious about it and plan out what I might want to steal when z-day hits.

And lastly, watch this little trailer (and check out iTunes for the full film), commit it to your memory, and call on the hope it provides once you’re out their fighting for your life. Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned from the movies, it’s that singing your problems away is always an appropriate and constructive solution.

How long do you think you’d survive a zombie apocalypse? What’s your favorite zombie apocalypse AU fan fiction? Important things to keep in mind as you SHARE this list with the people you’d most want fighting by your side when the day comes.