Now that we’ve firmly established that Harley Morenstein is the bearded Viking King of YouTube, the time has come for him set out across the seas in search of new lands to pillage and raze. Of course right now there’s no land more green and fertile than Vine. He’s already made some preliminary raids and his legend has begun to spread. The citizens of Vine wonder, is he merely a towering king, or a merciless Viking God?! Let’s look at the evidence.
His beard gospel
As any bearded man can tell you, a beard isn’t just weird hairs that grow out of your face like a million tiny snakes, nor is it part of your personal image brand. No my friends. A beard is a lifestyle choice and not one to make lightly. Here’s Harley delivering the first and only commandment of beard life. Listen well. His power over lower beasts
In the same way that animals have the ability to sense the coming of a natural disaster like a tornado or an earthquake, they can sense that Harley is more a force of nature than a man. This piglet is just trying to get out of the path of a hurricane.His balance of Light and Dark, Yin and Yang
Like any primordial sea-god or force of nature (I am playing it fast and loose with this theme, CAN YOU HANDLE IT?!) Harley is attuned to his masculine AND feminine side. Only by balancing the two will the cosmic balance of our universe be maintained. His Mighty Forge…
No mortal man would dare to contemplate a food more perfect than the noble Dorito. So flawless in shape, texture, and powdered flavor substance that its like has never before been seen. Only Harley could take this most flawless food specimen and cast it into his godly forge, creating something greater.His Many Forms
Throughout the ages Harley has taken many forms. In the time of the Pilgrims he was known as Two Hat Jack, a mysterious trickster figure. Other possible incarnations including Alexander The Great, Genghis Kahn, and that wolf monster from The Neverending Story. His Chariot of War
In other times he has been a god of war. Behold his modern chariot.His Contributions to History
In ancient Japan Harley invented the noble art of Sumo. All future sumo wrestlers are pale imitators.
The evidence clearly suggests only one outcome. Harley Morenstein is more than a man, he is lightning made flesh. He’s a powerful god of the sea or maybe war or Vikings or something. To be honest I wasn’t too clear on that. Still, of all the people that have ever been accused of being gods based on their Vine accounts (probably not THAT many people TBH) Harley is perhaps the most likely contender.
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