Since we’re weekend warriors now, it only makes sense that we break from the pack and engage in some rampant free-thinking. Pretty soon YouTube and Hollywood should completely merge and we will be seeing our favorite YouTubers starring in our favorite TV shows and movies. Of course, until that point, we can only speculate on what might have been had this merger happened 10, 20 or 500 years ago. So every weekend, we take a pop culture movie and recast it with YouTubers who we think might have worked perfectly in that role.
This week: A Christmas Story
Perhaps the greatest Christmas classic of our time, A Christmas Story tells the story of a boy who only wants a Red Ryder BB Gun from Santa. Of course he goes through a whole shitload of trouble at home and at school in order to make his dreams come true. As everyone reminds him: “You’ll shoot your eye out.”
Made in 1983, this story of Ralphie, his little brother, his friends and Scut Farkus, the bully with yellow eyes, competes yearly with not only classic stories like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, It’s A Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street and A Christmas Carol but also new classics like Elf. And yet, none of them (well, It’s A Wonderful Life comes close — and A Muppet Christmas Carol comes closer) can hold a candle to the magic of A Christmas Story. And now, with like, a week until Christmas, we’re bringing this fantastic story to you, recast perfectly with YouTubers.
Played in the movie by: Peter Billingsley
Played in our version by: Tyler Oakley
Believe me, I wanted to be daring and “outside the box” with this choice, but I just couldn’t. Bob Clarke, when he directed the original, didn’t want to use Peter Billingsley because he was “too obvious” but after considering a bunch of other options he knew he couldn’t make it without Peter playing that role. That’s the same way I feel about Tyler — he is YouTube’s Ralphie. Damn, we need to get him a big pink bunny suit.
Played in the movie by: Scott Schwartz
Played in our version by: Steve-O
The YouTuber who is most likely to do dumb things and get his tongue stuck to a flagpole? How about recent YouTube convert Steve-O?
Played in the movie by: Zack Ward
Played in our version by: CopperCab
The bully. He has yellow eyes and is ugly as sin. Mercilessly, he picks on Ralphie until Ralphie finally goes berserk and pummels him into a crying mess. What obnoxious YouTuber would you like to see get beaten up? What’s that? We can’t, we already cast him as Ralphie. I think an easy second choice would be CopperCab, better known as the “Gingers Do Have Souls” kid. One redhead for another. Yeah, this one would be sweet.
Played in the movie by: Yano Anaya
Played in our version by: Krispy Kreme
Ah, the toadie. Scut Farkus’ right hand man, this character is all about sucking up to his boss. And who would be a better suckup to CopperCab than white boy rapper Krispy Kreme?
Played in the movie by: Jeff Gillen
Played in our version by: Harley Morenstein
You knew Harley was gonna pop up here somewhere. Naturally, it’s the role of the bitter, obtuse asshole Santa who boots Ralphie in the head.
The Old Man Parker
Played in the movie by: Darren McGavin
Played in our version by: Angry Grandpa
The old man who loves turkey, uses profanity and is constantly angry about some damn thing. Could this be played by anyone other than the resident curmudgeon of YouTube, Angry Grandpa?
Played in the movie by: Ian Petrella
Played in our version by: DaxFlame
For those of you not familiar with the work of this eccentric YouTuber creator, I think once you watch his video, you’ll see he’s an apt choice to play Ralphie’s weird little brother who hides in a cupboard because he doesn’t want to see “Daddy kill Ralphie.”