Sometimes I have to comb through the recesses of YouTube to find junked videos and forgotten footage that is just amazing. Sometimes it comes to me. I am the YouTube Treasure Hunter. Every week, I brave spider videos, footage of tornadoes and the occasional inexplicable zit-popping upload to find some of the rarest jewels YouTube has to offer.
Oh, there’s gold in them thar hills, but sometimes you just have to wade through a ton of crap to get to it.
This week’s treasure? This video/song/nightmare of a girl in a baby mask singing. As this girl proclaims, she is your grandma. And as your grandma, she is going to haunt your very soul. I don’t know what she’s pitching here — or if she has the kids to one day make grandkids or what, but this frightens me. More than videos about global warming or Ebola or the decreasing efficacy of antibiotics — this girl with her strobing lights and baby mask makes me want to buy a gun, board up my house and live alone in a bomb shelter, just waiting for her to kill me.
Kids, don’t do whatever this girl is clearly on. That being said, if you watched this, she is your grandma and you need to do what she says.
Stay tuned for next Sunday, treasure hunters! I’ve got something that really cooks! No, it isn’t a chef … you’ll just have to tune in.