Sometimes I have to comb through the recesses of YouTube to find junked videos and forgotten footage that is just amazing. Sometimes it comes to me. I am the YouTube Treasure Hunter. Every week, I brave spider videos, footage of tornadoes and the occasional inexplicable zit-popping upload to find some of the rarest jewels YouTube has to offer.
Oh, there’s gold in them thar hills, but sometimes you just have to wade through a ton of crap to get to it.
This week’s treasure? Look at me, busy as a bee, where’d I get all this energy? Oh meth, ooh meth! It’s the Crystal Meth Song. One of the great undiscovered gems of YouTube is this ode to a drug that will rot your teeth and make you pick at invisible bugs on your skin. Plus it’s catchy as f**k. I seriously doubt some government drug agency put this out, but all the same, it works better for me than DARE ever did. And did I mention that you’ll actually need crystal meth to get this song out of your head? Ooh meth!
Kids, don’t do drugs. At least not low-class drugs like meth. Be trendy, not trashy. Breaking Bad is over, let it go.
Stay tuned for next Sunday, treasure hunters! I’ve got something that really rocks! No, it isn’t a rock … you’ll just have to tune in.