What are YouTube and other internet forums good for if not providing a platform for batshit conspiracy theories? For this week’s Throwback Thursday, we’ve put on our tinfoil hats and hunted down a few of our favorites.
The theory of the Lost Cosmonauts basically purports that Russia had actually had several manned space flights before Yuri Gagarin’s successful mission. The theory alleges that Gagarin was the first man to survive, and the others were covered up in order to make the Russian Space Program seem more successful. The evidence supporting this theory are a series of recordings taken by the Judica-Cordiglia brothers, a pair of amateur radio operators who reportedly recorded several Russian radio transmissions of tragically failed missions. A couple of years ago, I heard the haunting transmission of the female cosmonaut, and just this past year, this amazing short was created.
I’m not saying discount all the other conspiracies on this list, just know that this is the one that you should be MOST aware of. There’s some bad shit going on here and the Illuminati is involved. Probably also Tupac. Obviously watch the video, but in a nutshell, shit goes like this: the New World Order built the Denver Airport to have an underground hub against nuclear annihilation. It’s all in the murals. Also, that crazy horse statue outside with the glowing red eyes totally killed its creator (true story!). I’m not sure how that’s related to anything, but it’s all a conspiracy, man!
I think conspiracy theories are silly. The idea that world events are being manipulated behind the scenes for some sinister purpose seems to me to be a gross overestimation of what any large scale organization can pull off. Most people aren’t smart enough to do their taxes properly and no government in the world has successfully kept all of its secrets all the time. Simply put, if there was a global conspiracy to control the world someone would have cocked it up by now. That’s just human nature. Still, I love conspiracy theorists. They’re so ardent in their need to explain why bad things happen that they connect huge elaborate webs if disparate events into these complex little narratives. Only a meticulous thinker could thread a logical string that connects Beyonce’s music career to the struggle between good and evil in the world. I like the people take the time to do it, it’s a cute hobby.
I’m throwing all the way back to 1998 with this one — “Conspiracy Theory Rock,” a “School House Rock” style cartoon from Saturday Night Live, explaining the classic theory about censorship caused by corporate media conglomerates e.g. NBC being owned by General Electric Westinghouse. And here’s the kicker: I heard on teh intarwebs that this clip was removed from all subsequent airings of that particular SNL episode. Lorne Michaels said it was because the cartoon wasn’t funny, but he can’t fool me. Wake up, sheeple!
The obvious choice probably would have been for me to write about that Pitch Perfect conspiracy theory video that’s been making the rounds, but it’s clearly a joke and, to be honest, a pretty lazy one at that. 9/11 conspiracy? Come on guys. We can do better than that. So instead I bring you the completely serious conspiracy theory that Kesha (fka Ke$ha) is an actual satanic cult leader. Now, the Illuminati conspiracies have been circling modern pop stars who dare use, um, triangles in any video or fashion statement for ages, but this really takes it a step further. The creators of this video, Good Fight Ministries, claim Kesha has ties to to the teachings of “Satanist Aleister Crowley,” and uses his imagery to lure pre-teens into her “[glorified] lifestyle of drunken debauchery and perverse sexuality.” They specifically cite her unreleased track “Dancing with the Devil” (notoriously rumored to be about her producer Dr. Luke) as firm evidence that she did, in fact, make a pact with Satan. Then again, what better way to convince people you aren’t a pawn of Lucifer than to sing about being one? Oh well. If Kesha’s running a cult, sign me up.
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