At a certain point in every major company’s life, a discussion gets made about branding. “Should we make some sort of product that the kids of America can wear so that they will basically pay to be our billboards?” the CEO will ask his roundtable of executives. If you’re a company that manufactures asphalt or a bank, that answer is probably “no.” But if you have some cache with the young-uns, then slap your name all over everything and put it up for sale. If it’s cool, you look like a genius. If it is uncool, you get to donate your apparel to needy kids in Africa. Everybody wins! Here are six pieces of social media merchandise you wish you could own (and a few you can).
6. Reddit’s SubReddit DIY Snoo Doll
For $8.99 you can own your very own vinyl Snoo. The Reddit alien mascot also comes in a bigger plush version, but now you have the option of buying a blank one so you can create your own Snoo or decorate him like your favorite subrredit theme. r/Spacedicks, anyone?
Can you can buy them: Yes!
5. Notepad for Offline Tweets
Since you can’t spend your entire day on social media (sounds like a challenge), Perpetual Kid is selling a notepad you can use to “send tweets” offline. Printed on a thing called paper, these notepads will help you get a message across by actually using your feet. Daring, right?
Can you buy them: You know, people act like you can, but to Perpetual Kid, they don’t exist.
4. Facebook watch
If you need a watch to tell you to look at an app, you deserve to wear one of these annoyingly cheap-looking watches that retail from Amazon for $18.99.
Can you buy them: Yup. I don’t know why you would, but yup.
3. All Manner of Tumblrwear
Yes, Tumblr has a full store dedicated to selling you clothes and hats and whatnot with their image on them. Making the idea hew close to actual Tumblr, the idea is neat but the execution is lousy. Still, maybe you do want to pay $45 for a plain-ass sweatshirt that reads “tumblr.” Who am I to judge? Jeff Klima, that’s who. At least their profits go to defending a free internet, you gotta like that.
Can you buy them: Go nuts, kid. Not the tacos though.
2. Facecream: Facebook Ice Cream
Sounds like some sort of actual beauty product for your face, right? Well, you’re almost there. Facecream is ice cream in the shape of Facebook’s logo. Because that’s what you’ve always dreamed of, right? Eating their logo. Wouldn’t the “like” thumb be a little more logical? I mean, what’s fun about playing with a building? (“Big” reference, ftw!)
Can you buy them: Okay, this one is just a concept design. I bet it would taste annoyingly sweet though.
1. Twitter Sneakers (also “available” in Facebook!)
What better way to let your peers know that you’re “hip,” “connected” and “with it” than with these swell Addidas-made social media sneakers! Available in Twitter turquoise and Facebook blue, these kicks won’t get you shot by an L.A. street gang who wants to steal ‘em, so you got that going for you, which is probably nice. Still, the fashion police will probably levy you with a hefty fine.
Can you buy them: Not yet!