“San Andreas” is the latest catastrophic flick where California gets annihilated by a 9.0 earthquake. A rescue-chopper pilot (played by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) makes the dangerous journey from Los Angeles to San Francisco in order to rescue his estranged daughter (played by Alexandra Daddario).
But this is just an earthquake! Whatever! California is tough enough to withstand a petty shaking. The real danger is monsters. Big ones, with sharp claws, colossal jaws, and hellish abilities, like acidic blood and shooting lasers from their mouths. With such dynamic strength, these behemoths are able to tear the Golden State a new one.
You’ll probably remember this evil mutant turtle from Pacific Rim. If not… dude, go watch Pacific Rim. With this particular kaiju, it took the army a whopping six days to defeat it. Other kaiju in the movie had the ability to fly, grow new parts and spray acid. I think I speak for the entire human race when I say this is major no-no in the libro.
Godzilla, the monster of all monsters. The word “god” is in his name. Not only did he stomp out a couple of cities in California, but he also destroyed 17 other cities. He even played a game of fisticuffs underwater and in outer space. That’s pretty metal. (Get it? Because Mechagodzi — okay I’ll stop).
3. The Apes
What these apes did is something a lot more devastating than what monsters would normally do to a city. They let Mother Nature consume the city of San Francisco, and they became the alpha over the humans. An earthquake lasts about 30 seconds, but this kind of damage lasts for decades.
Not only is Los Angeles getting ravaged by a massive tornado, but there are sharks that are flailing in the air willy nilly, ready to chomp your face off at any moment. Screw that noise.
In the past, California has rebuilt itself from earthquakes. But from aliens? That’s just another situation to think about while trying to reconstruct your home. And who knows if these aliens would come back. Would they bring back more firepower? Would they bring their friends next time? Who knows! I certainly don’t.
If this “Big One” was to ever strike the Golden State, I’m certain they would just shake it off (I’m looking at you T-Swift, help your fellow Californians out!). No big deal. They got this. But if a colossal lizard ever rises from the depths of the seafloor or plasma rains from the sky, then forget about it. California is done, and I’ll have to say good-bye to the one and only chance I had at ever trying an In-N-Out burger. Friggin’ kaiju…
What’s your favorite method of utterly destroying California? Tell us in the comments!